About Insecurities

29 posts in this topic

Posted

I'm slouching. i have such a bad posture it kills me. I started to try and be more aware of my body and straighten my back... but you know, it's hard work and i get tired easily, even from that. 

I also have the bad habit of comparing my looks to others, and i think i'm average over all. if i paid more attention to my clothes and hair, i'd be above average [i have a decent impression of myself, and sometimes i wonder just how bad i really look? would i believe it if people told me so?] 

my face ruins everything though.. at least this is what i think. my face is boring. i have a wide nose and a pretty big mouth/lips. but not the 'trendy way'. in my opinion, my eyes are much like Kanadajin's ... hell, in a way she could be my sister O.o [but only if we took in consideration the face, and maybe skin color]. i generally have a sad expression on my face and it's really tiring to try and change that. 

Did you girls/guys try grape seed oil for your acne scars? i heard it can help with healing [do some research before buying it]. I also have large pores, and i used a VERY heavy face cream [mostly to protect against the cold] and i noticed that after a few days of use, my pores became smaller. but once i stopped using it, they returned to their usual size ¬¬ This cream is a Romanian brand trusted by many generations of women, and made with royal-jelly [so i guess not vegan, but 100% natural]. 

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My acne scars are deep holes. I used to pick at blackheads as a teen due to anxiety. Pore primer can only do so much. Exfoliating every week or so helped shrink them a bit but they're still there.

My face is super oily. I cannot skip showers or my face will be coated in grease. This means I have to wake up early to dry and style my looong thick hair. 

I have a short neck. It makes my shoulders look huge and when I gain even a little weight I look like I have no jaw :( I hate it and I wish there was something to do about it.

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Edited by Anarchy
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I actually hate my face and body in general but the thing i absolutely hate most about myself is my extremely thin hair. It's not just fine, it's super thin. I can't grow it out, I can't do anything with it. I also have to wash my hair everyday or else it just looks gross and even more thin. I can't afford extensions other than clip ins, which i've tried several times. But they hurt and the clips can show easily. My hair is definitely the thing i'm most insecure about, i just wish i had normal hair. 

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my weight fluctuates so much and i have stretch marks on my shoulders chest and hips and i hate it more than anything 

 

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It used to be that I was insecure about the acne on my face, but now my skin is almost clear and smooth as glass and my anxieties found insecurities elsewhere, like the big pores on my nose that I know isn't something I should touch or perceive as unattractive because it's a natural and the grey gunk that I see around it isn't as bad as I think it is. Or my thick eyebrows that will never grow in a straighter line cause my inner brow just angles down and looks weird if I pluck them (again, this kind of grooming aint that great for the future hairs), when I look at my reflection I feel like I have those gorilla eyebrows, kills me every time, lol. 

Did you know that there are people out there who sleep for more than 8 hours and they still have eye bags? I'm one of them and I can't leave the house without using a concealer. As for my body, I dislike my build, 5.1 and curve around the hips. I want to work out but I don't have the floor, the money or the safe environment to jog outside in the mornings or afternoons. There are days when I just don't eat cause I see the little pudge around my belly and become sad. 

I think the insecurities never go away, they just get replaced again and again with different things.

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I'm short. I get tired of being called petite and people saying "oh you're small like a little doll". I'M FUCKING OLD AND THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. I would love to be able to reach things. To have long legs and look good in a skirt or jeans. To be able to wear capris and not just look like I'm waiting for a flood. To have strangers behind me not say "excuse me little girl", until I turn around and see them startled. To not have to wave my arms up so automatic doors will open. I want to be taken seriously as the educated professional adult I am.

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im insanely insecure about my teeth, my body, my nose ): even my body hair, I do admit that I’ve questioned my validity based on what I’ve seen from other girls, compared myself to the ex’s that my boyfriend has been with, they all have much more curvier bodies and much more feminine features, I try eating more to fill my clothes out better but that never works because my appetite is the worst, and goddddd my teeth, I’m getting braces but it just won’t help because there’s so much wrong with it, my nose that is bumpy and fat I hate it so much )))): my face is so round normally, I have huge cheeks that I wish I could suction into a better shape, if I could afford surgery I would do it in a heart beat, and my discoloration makes me uncomfortable, so I don’t flash much skin

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putting under spoiler bc it sorta edges onto the body dysmorphia/ed territory 

I've really been struggling w my body (but then again who hasn't lol). I'm sorta in the same territory as kenna (god forbid) where I'm skinny fat bc of my bad eating habits and binging. Now i've gained a significant amount of weight around my torso and thighs. People think I look "fine" bc my arms and legs are still quite thin but they don't see everything like I do and it drives me mad. My boyfriend tells me that I'm pretty but I can't help but feel guilty and ungrateful bc it's not enough. I've sorta been knocked off into the deep end scrolling through thinspo tags and came across those "ed advice" and "starving tips" posts and I've been tempted to go down that path but the thought of my family, friends and partner worrying about me pulls me back. Yet, I still feel gross in my own body.

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Body:

  • my whole body is extremely disproportionate. I have a really long torso and very short stumpy legs. My hips are extremely broad compared to my waist and tiny (though still saggy) boobs. My thighs and calves are really fat, while my upper body looks normal weight (may appear smaller than it is due to almost flat bust). I do however, have absolutely no butt when seen in profile. 
  • To make it more fun, my whole body is covered in pasty pale skin (no pretty pale, the one that turns red very quickly. Think of the depiction of the fat butcher’s son in any old movie and you know what I mean) and extremely thick, extremely dark hair. Literally everywhere. On my face (mustache, chin, sideburns, even cheeks), my arms and legs, belly and back, private parts of course, even on my hands, fingers, feet and toes. They even grow on my boobs ffs.
  • The hair on my head however grows naturally a super dark, dull ash color in a coarse and frizzy texture 
  • Literally the only place on my body where my hair is thin and light are my eyelashes, which additionally are almost too short to apply mascara on them.

 

Face:

  • one eye is hooded, the other one is not. The hooded eye also pulled down its eyebrow almost an entire centimeter lower than my other one. My lips are crooked in a similar way, so that the matching side appears to “hang lower”. My jaw completes this picture of unevenness. So I always look like I just had a stroke (I never did, thankfully, I’m perfectly healthy, just ugly)
  • My eyes are very small and very close together
  • To make up for it, my nose is huge, with a giant bump on it and uneven nostrils (one normal, one almost grown shut. Never had breathing problems though so surgery is not an option (at least none I can afford)). I also have a mole directly on the bump on my nose which gives a good “children’s book witch with wart on her nose” look.
  • My forehead is also huge to the point where it looks like my hairline is receding. It also is really flat, which makes my profile look really alien.

Bonus:

  • due to mental health issues I go to extremes in biting the skin around my fingernails which makes my hands look constantly gross.
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If I am to mention my insecurities about my physical aspects, it would be the jarring keloids which are plain visible to all eyes.

As for you who doesn't know what a keloid is, it's basically a type of bulging scar which do not effect the body in anyway, but with itself being aesthetically horrendous in nature (depends on the scar), it is quite a sharp cut especially to my self esteem since childhood since keloids are usually formed after having a deep scar or injury on your body. 

My case is that in certain areas of my body the cells just go crazy in reproducing and as a result forming these hideous things over my body. There's currently a moderate sized keloid (about a size of a red bean) on my right ear which has formed after I stopped wearing my earring, a huge one on the chest which is just above the cleavage and another small one a few centimeters beside of this huge one.

It is possible to be removed with special injections, but it's expensive and even after injection there's still chances that it will grow back if you don't completely remove it with laser surgeries and stuff.

 

So basically I've already given up on removing them and instead trying my best to embrace them as part of me :alpacasad: I'm forever doomed to unable to wear those nice dresses with a low neckline

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I actually hate my face and body in general but the thing i absolutely hate most about myself is my extremely thin hair. It's not just fine, it's super thin. I can't grow it out, I can't do anything with it. I also have to wash my hair everyday or else it just looks gross and even more thin. I can't afford extensions other than clip ins, which i've tried several times. But they hurt and the clips can show easily. My hair is definitely the thing i'm most insecure about, i just wish i had normal hair. 

 

I'm sorry to hear about your insecurities. i do not, do not recommend hair extensions, no matter how thin your hair is. especially not the ones that use glue or micro-rings [im not sure how they're called] - you know the type that last for a few weeks? yea. don't think about them. better buy a wig instead. Why i don't recommend  them? because they RUIN your hair! my partner used the ones with micro-rings and she took good care of them, but the hair that grew became knotted, the glue melted into her hair, and it was a PAIN to remove them. both for her and me [i have some hair stylist and mani/pedi education, and i should have a diploma for the later, but i forgot why i don't -.- ] Her hair broke off, a lot fell, and all it did was to get her depressed. clip-in type are the safest for the hair because you can remove them after a few hours. i can't talk about the sewn in extensions, but those could be a good alternative - and i hope you meant those and i just misunderstood. Sadly, i have no other piece of advice or info to make you feel better :(

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The bone beneath my eyes are hollow and darker than usual. Not only do they age me, but give off the appearance of having RBF.

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This could be a book but I'm shortening it. I used to be way more insecure, but I'm not that insecure anymore. Not because I'm prettier or happier, just because I don't give a fuck anymore, it's holding me back a lot, and I had so much on my mind, my looks are the last thing on my mind, kind of a blessing?

  • too pale. like really pale. I would love to have tan skin, it's so pretty and I believe it would suit me a lot. Whenever I try to tan, I burn. And I'm already uncomfortable with makeup or even sunscreen on my skin, so fake tanning is not an option.
  • my eyelashes on my lower lash line are sooo much longer than my upper lash line, I find it to look really weird.
  • my eyebrows are naturally straight? (not very, just not an arch but a slight curve) and it drives me insane jsjs it doesn't look good on me at all.
  • east Asian problem im sure a lot of people deal with: your eyelid folding up and making your eyes uneven... why
  • my lips are a bigger than the average Asians lips, which makes me kind of self conscious, but I've learned to appreciate it. they're also naturally red, so it helps.
  • my eyes always look so fucking dead?? this is something ive only recently experienced, and even though I have a lot of sleep, rest well, eat well, etc. I still look out of it, bored, or just mad, even though when its not how I feel. I feel like people have started avoiding me because that's the impression I give off.

 

so .. stopping here because if I don't, Ill go on till eternity.

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