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How to get rid and move on from toxic friends

16 posts in this topic

Posted

long story short, i have a friend who has been secretly hating on me for months (out of pure jealousy that i'm overall a better person than she is rofl). recently it stopped being a secret but the rest of my friends aren't doing anything to solve the problem, instead it just feels like they're watching an unrelated drama, munching on their popcorn. i figured out its time to take off from this bunch. 

do you have toxic friends? how did you go about getting rid of them and moving on without them? 

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I had a friend that was problematic and I simply didn't want to consider them a friend, so I had a talk with them explained my decision and moved on. Whenever they approached I would ignore them which seemed a little petty but I wanted to make sure I was clear about my kind of selfish decision and after a few months we're back on talking conditions but they don't annoy me anymore and I'm much happier. 

So the best thing I would recommend is to talk to her and explain but since she seems to hate you out of pure jealousy I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to try something childish like spreading rumours lmao. Good luck though! :alpacaheadshake:

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Posted (edited)

I had a friend once who's bf at the time was treating me and our friends like crap and we felt like he didn't love her, so I confronted her about the issue and told her how I felt about her bf and 15 mintues later her bf started texting me how I should stay away from her, I'm a bad friend, and even started talking about things that are personal. He even had the audacity to start talking about my past relationship against me. I felt so betrayed because I told her my secrets and I trusted her, but she ended up telling her bf all my secrets behind my back I was really angry, once I calmed down I cut ties with her.  

Try confronting with the person and if they keep on I think it's best to cut ties. 

Edited by Monocakes
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I had a jealous friend in college who would be very spiteful and purposely invite our mutual friends out without inviting me and rubbing it in my face. She was upset because I rejected her feelings since I was dating someone at the time. I cut ties with her by just avoiding her altogether and never making plans with her again. We're civil towards each other and she's no longer rude to me. My advice for your situation is to ignore this person if confrontation (like asking them if it's possible to reconcile the friendship) is impossible. Hang out with friends who are not friends with this person, so they won't be brought up. Surround yourself with better people, don't tolerate friends who are jerks and aren't worth dealing with. :)

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Posted (edited)

The best thing is to cut them all out, even the popcorn munchers.  I'm a bit more brutal when it comes to cutting people out and as such, I get lonely from time to time now.  But I will say, I still prefer it to hanging out with someone and having an inkling they're going to gossip about you.  Don't be surprised if they still use you as a conversation topic in months, even years to come.  That happens when you're actually doing something with your life and moving towards your goal.  Some people only want to be friends with people who they can wallow with.  Subtle things start holding you back when you hang around with people who don't want you doing better for yourself. From my experience, it can get dark very quickly. Try distancing yourself from them until you're not hanging out anymore.

Basically what happened with me was I had a friend who seemed to have a love/hate relationship with me, she would really kiss my ass to the point where she started to become a bad clone of me, what I didn't know is she would bitch about my ex to my other friend, then simultaneously try messaging him.  There was other stuff, she was a really bad influence.  If I was having a bad day, she would try getting me drunk to spill my secrets, then talk about it with my other friend, who wouldn't tell me, he didn't fan the flames as far as I know, but he was negative to be around in his own ways.  There were times when they'd jokingly gang up against me.  because they met through me, I was the thing they had in common and it happened a fair bit where I'd be the conversation topic. It doesn't sound too bad, but I'm leaving a lot of stuff out.  

One night when I was drinking this girl drugged me, I OD-d, and had no memory the next day.  I felt vulnerable and violated.  I had no memory but something felt wrong.  She said I'd tried to kiss her, but I've never been attracted to her or any female, I distanced myself first, just not talking to her, then she started to play the victim.  Acting like her heart was crushed online so people would message her, the other friend was stilll friends with both of us.  I didn't tell him everything because I was traumatised.  He was neutral and would try to get us to hang out.  A few months after I stopped hanging around with him because he was always snipping at me.  I was trying to recover from depression and already was harsh on myself, so it was hard to love myself when I had him picking at my flaws.  He called me out on avoiding him and I told him it was because he was negative, he can criticise, but didn't like it turned on him.  before I could say any more, he took another farewell jab and blocked me.  What made me realise how shitty the girl was, on a lesser level, a few years after cutting her out; I dated another asshole and a unrelated friend was extremely frank and told me that I was dating an asshole, no guilt tripping, making it about herself, jabs at me or gossiping, just to the point.  I really respected and appreciated that.  It really brought home that someone doesn't have to be your ultimate best friend to just, you know, be a good friend and have your back.  

when I cut out those two friends, it was nice to hang out with people who didn't snip at things.  About three years later, they still talk about me, I know this because the pelt wearer of the two will try contacting me once in a blue moon, occasionally tries wearing my skin again and vague posts about me as a "bullshitter" which is funny seeing as she did some shit, shit that I'm pretty sure she should be in jail for and pretends to be so innocent and heartbroken.  I didn't tell all the details because that shits traumatic, so yeah, I probably do seem like a bullshitter for not being open with everything.

 

Edited by TikkusMeep
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Posted (edited)

I had a jealous friend in college who would be very spiteful and purposely invite our mutual friends out without inviting me and rubbing it in my face. She was upset because I rejected her feelings since I was dating someone at the time. I cut ties with her by just avoiding her altogether and never making plans with her again. We're civil towards each other and she's no longer rude to me. My advice for your situation is to ignore this person if confrontation (like asking them if it's possible to reconcile the friendship) is impossible. Hang out with friends who are not friends with this person, so they won't be brought up. Surround yourself with better people, don't tolerate friends who are jerks and aren't worth dealing with. :)

 

that was exactly what happened to me (inviting our mutual friends out without inviting me)! confrontation is impossible so i completely ignored her on socials but it disturbs me that she is still keeping herself (very) updated to my socials. i find the whole situation so absurd getting hate for doing absolutely nothing harmful or mean. what's more disgusting is that she claims that she has been hating me for a long time now but only told our mutual friends about it recently. ugh to think ive been treating her as a friend all these while! 

The best thing is to cut them all out, even the popcorn munchers.  I'm a bit more brutal when it comes to cutting people out and as such, I get lonely from time to time now.  But I will say, I still prefer it to hanging out with someone and having an inkling they're going to gossip about you.  Don't be surprised if they still use you as a conversation topic in months, even years to come.  That happens when you're actually doing something with your life and moving towards your goal.  Some people only want to be friends with people who they can wallow with.  Subtle things start holding you back when you hang around with people who don't want you doing better for yourself. From my experience, it can get dark very quickly. Try distancing yourself from them until you're not hanging out anymore.

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i agree, i have started to avoid them all in total because i realized that they're not even worth hanging out with too. but sometimes it just sucks when they go out together and youre not invited anymore.. and oh my goodness your friend is shit. im glad you cut ties with her, she sounds creepy af. 

Edited by patrickstar
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Posted

I had a friend who was quite possessive (as in getting angry if I went shopping or went to the movies with people that were not her). In the end me and my friends had enough and decided to ignore her together. Because confronting her would probably make it worse, she's the type to explode if you say anything negative about her. We had a brief blowout, she still talks shit about us and thinks I'm the one who "brainwashed" my friends into cutting off ties.

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Posted

that was exactly what happened to me (inviting our mutual friends out without inviting me)! confrontation is impossible so i completely ignored her on socials but it disturbs me that she is still keeping herself (very) updated to my socials. i find the whole situation so absurd getting hate for doing absolutely nothing harmful or mean. what's more disgusting is that she claims that she has been hating me for a long time now but only told our mutual friends about it recently. ugh to think ive been treating her as a friend all these while! 

Yeah, I know how you feel! Especially when you've been a good friend and then they turn on you. They don't deserve our friendship lol  

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Posted

I had to deal with this a couple years back with someone i considered my best friend, i had to cut her of because she became so toxic to me and my life. years later we actually reconnected and she is no longer that person and has in my opinion grown up alot, and we are closer now then we ever were back then. 

But if they are close friends you should confront them about it to see if they change but if it just end in an argument then cut them off, and know that if you cut ties there is no way you will walk away not looking like the bad guy and that is OK. because if these people are truly toxic to you and your life you need to put yourself first no matter how selfish it feels; because no one is responsible for your happiness but you and i promise they are not worth you giving up your own happiness.

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Posted

i dont think we will ever be friends again because for the past many years, she has done a lot of hurtful things to me but ive always forgiven her because i believe she has changed. i'm now happily living my own life without her but it still bothers me at times because she kept shading me on socials and keeping herself up to date with my updates on social media too. it's like how celebrities have haters i feel like. they hate them but can't help but to keep themselves updated with their latest news to find more things to hate on???? i'm not going to bother talking sense into her, i just hope she moves on and grow up. 

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Posted

Just ghost them. Block their numbers and forget you were ever “friends”.

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Posted

Just ghost them. Block their numbers and forget you were ever “friends”.

 

lol I did that to about 15 people, no regrets. 

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I used to have one really really really toxic friend! no matter what I do she will keep hating me and start a bad rumour behind my back, but she'll disgustingly act super kind and nice in front of me, gross. I just simply ignore her

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Posted

lol I did that to about 15 people, no regrets. 

 

yeah it’s just a lot easier and you don’t have to worry about drama or attached emotions 

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Posted

I would cut off all ties to them, they don't deserve an explanation imo if they were toxic to you.

 

I had 2  "best friends", but then I found out they were talking shit about me. I was going through a rough time, and they acted caring while they were talking shit. It really fucking hurt me, since they were the only people I trusted. I wrote them a goodbye message, which I shouldn't have, because they replied back with desperate apologies, which hurt me even more.

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