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LGBT+ problems and talk


214 posts in this topic

Posted

to add to lesbian, trans, preferences discussion. it's a bunch of topics i just want to discuss.

i am a lesbian who does not mind dating trans women if they (by my dating preferences 'pass'). i do not mind having sex with one. i vastly prefer biological women, because i vastly prefer vagina, but i still won't rule out the possibility of falling for or being sexually attracted to a trans woman. in fat, i would honestly be more fine being with a pre-bottom surgery trans woman than a post-op (because neovaginas just don't function the same way as a organic vagina and that's a turnoff for me). however i am only one lesbian with a certain set of preferences in a sea of many lesbians who are different. we are all different. preferences are not the same as discrimination the same way as music taste isn't discriminatory. it's tailored to what we like and what we are okay with.

there are lesbians who are turned off by real dicks, yet still use strapons. there's nothing wrong with that. there are lesbians who don't even like to be penetrated. there is nothing wrong with that. there are lesbians who get off on making others orgasm and don't want to be touched at all. there's nothing fucking wrong with that. when will people understand that women have the right to date what they are sexually/romantically attracted to??? and that not all of them will be the god damned same????

some people have tried telling me, since i am okay with transfemale dick, that i am bisexual. wrong. i've dated lots of guys pre coming out, and it was miserable. emotionally and physically i did not find them attractive. i could get off during sex, but it was a hollow and empty feeling. no different from using a dildo (and i'm sorry if this sounds rude af towards men i'm not trying to be objectifying). sexuality is a complex thing and it doesn't fit into perfect categories. the LGBT community sure love to parrot this as an excuse to force lesbians to date trans men, but don't like hearing it when it's the other way around (dick repulsed lesbians). you can't have one but not the other, folks. 

however i think some things do need clean cut categories. for example, the amount of lesbian erasure going on is not okay to me. i'm seeing trans men calling themselves lesbian (????) and saying you're transphobic if you deny them that lable (???????????????) isn't it transphobic in itself? lesbianism is a woman being attracted to a woman. if you're a transman, you're not a woman, aren't you???? or are you just scared of being an ICKY HET MALE UWU i hate hearing straight men call themselves lesbian, i hate it when you do it too. end of story. i am also seeing bisexual girls call themselves lesbian. your relationship can be lesbian, but you are not. this is not only lesbian erasure, but it's also bi erasure. don't do that. embrace who you are and don't take labels from a group that is already being pushed to the sidelines these days.

 

now here's a really unpopular lgbt opinion i'd like to open a discussion for. i don't think there's anything wrong with lesbians who only want to date lesbians and not bisexuals. i've seen these people get written off as terfs or biphobic very often. and while i agree, there are some jerks who take it too far and are radiating male jealousy vibes-- i still think it's perfectly valid to chose your partners however you see fit. you should never pressure people on how they pursue partners (if the partners are of consenting age ofc). if there are personal reasons that motivate lesbians from excluding bisexuals from their dating pool so what? it's not your business to tell them what to do. if that's them dating based on generalizing, guess what? it's still not your damn business. people act like not wanting to date someone is the same as saying you don't like someone. it's not that deep. let people live. would ya'll be this up in arms if i (someone who has mostly been with bi girls) said i am only attracted to bi girls??? i doubt it. there's gay men that literally say 'i only want bi men because they're so masculine' or 'i am only attacted to straight men and want to convert one' and ya'll just laugh and think it's cute. 

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Posted (edited)

now here's a really unpopular lgbt opinion i'd like to open a discussion for. i don't think there's anything wrong with lesbians who only want to date lesbians and not bisexuals. i've seen these people get written off as terfs or biphobic very often. and while i agree, there are some jerks who take it too far and are radiating male jealousy vibes-- i still think it's perfectly valid to chose your partners however you see fit. you should never pressure people on how they pursue partners (if the partners are of consenting age ofc). if there are personal reasons that motivate lesbians from excluding bisexuals from their dating pool so what? it's not your business to tell them what to do. if that's them dating based on generalizing, guess what? it's still not your damn business. people act like not wanting to date someone is the same as saying you don't like someone. it's not that deep. let people live. would ya'll be this up in arms if i (someone who has mostly been with bi girls) said i am only attracted to bi girls??? i doubt it. there's gay men that literally say 'i only want bi men because they're so masculine' or 'i am only attacted to straight men and want to convert one' and ya'll just laugh and think it's cute. 

 

Speaking from the viewpoint of a bisexual woman: lesbians shouldn't be pressured into dating bisexual women if they don't want to for the simple reason that anybody has the right to exclude anybody from their dating pool for whatever reason they like. Now, would it hurt if I were interested in a lesbian woman and she turned me down because she didn't want to date bisexuals? Of course it would, as it sucks to be rejected in general, but it's my responsibility as an individual to learn to cope with that rejection and move on. I'm not going to go on social media and talk about how I'm being oppressed like some pathetic incel.

If there are some people who don't want to date bi people because they think we're all a bunch of sex-obsessed deviants who can never be faithful then the most important issue here is biphobia in general. Making people see you as romantically/sexually attractive is not a thing that should be focused on when it comes to making people accept you because somebody seeing you as attractive isn't automatically an indication of them respecting you and vice versa. Hell, there are a lot of cases where the complete opposite holds true, like how industries where beauty plays an important role tend to be known for being very exploitative.

Edited by JunkFood
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Posted (edited)

I’m just gonna say if a lesbian dates a transwoman it’s essentially a straight relationship. If you read stories of women who dated trans women their relationship modelled straight relationships, in that the cis woman did all the cooking and cleaning while the trans woman acted like a man and did nothing. Relationships between lesbians and trans women always enforce straight gender roles. Sex with a pre op transwoman is straight sex, there is nothing gay about dick in vagina. Most trans women who date women end up guilting and shaming them for being cis because they’re extremely jealous. Imagine dating a woman who will have a mental breakdown looking at your body or if you complain about your period. If you’re a lesbian and ever think about dating trans women just know it’s going to be incredibly difficult at its best and self harm and abusive at its worst. If you don’t like dick don’t force yourself to accept it just to validate someone’s gender. Also lesbians dont and will never like dick fyi 

edit: this is also coming from someone who used to think they’d date a transwoman. I used to think it was transphobic to reject people based on genitals. No trans woman will ever truly truly pass without a shit ton of surgery like Blaire white. I used to not believe in genital preferences and to just accept it even if you didn’t like it (which is really rapey). But then I dated a cis woman and learned what I like and went out and educated myself and now I can no longer accept trans women insisting they date lesbians

Edited by Poutine
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I'M PRETTY FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE INVALIDATING MY SEXUALITY

I'm pansexual. I did question if I was bisexual, but after having a lot of time to think about it, I realized that I neither have a genital preference when dating, nor do I care what the person I am interested in identifies as, as in it's not a deal-breaker if they identify as cis or trans or whatever. Every single LGBT+ support group that I have gone to has called us snowflake bisexuals or tumblrinas, and 'pansexuals don't exist huur duur 72 genders'. The biggest reach I heard was that all pansexuals are inherently homophobic because Sigmund Freud coined the term first and he was an asshole. I'm told if I'm dating a man I'm a heterosexual trying to be special, but if I'm dating a woman I'm a lesbian in denial. No, I'm pansexual no matter who I am dating at that moment. Fucking stop already. Me dating someone who identifies as this or that doesn't mean I'm flipping between sexualities every second. 

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