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Long Distance Relationship?    34 votes

  1. 1. Yay or nay?

    • Yay
      6
    • Nay
      8
    • It depends
      20

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11 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Thoughts? Advices? 

Edited by fluffy666
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Posted

I'll say it frankly: Nay. I really don't believe LDRs can work on the long term. Personally, I think it's impossible to keep a strong/honest emotional bond with someone if you don't see each other AT LEAST weekly.

Personal experience under spoiler:

my BFF and I were super super close since elementary school (like REALLY REALLY CLOSE). In middle school, she had to move in another town. We kept contact for a while, but then... "Out of sight, out of mind". We had problems of our own, differents experiences/friends, homework... We had very different schedules and personal problems which made it nearly impossible to see each other. Even though we felt like sisters, the distance killed our connection without us even realizing; it's just so much easier to have a best friend in the same school as you than one who lives far away ! We haven't talked to each other in ages, without even needing to say "it's over". We know that we have nothing in common anymore.

I know my experience above is about BFF-relationship, but love is even MORE fragile. How can you stay in love/attached to your S/O if you can't even see each other IRL? How can you be sure you won't fall in love with a nice co-worker/classmate you see everyday if your S/O is litterally NEVER here to remind you your love? How the hell can you be sure your S/O isn't developing feelings for someone else if you're having doubts yourself?

And, even if it's considered taboo (for some reason): what the hell happens when you want to have sex ?? Even if everyone tends to deny it, I'm pretty sure 90% of people cheat when they haven't seen/touched their S/O in, like, months. It doesn't mean they're a bad person. It just means people can't stay in relationship with someone they only contact through screens, which is perfectly human.

To conclude: nay.

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Posted

Was in a LDR. She didn't get my jokes cause of the cultural gap, or maybe cause I'm not funny. FeelsBadMan. 

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Posted

For me, Nay.

Tried to make things work with a girl I was seeing after she moved schools, but she ended up cheating on me (with a friend no less) so I called things off with her after I saw some pics of the two. I drove to her school and talked with her irl.

 

-__- fun....

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Posted

It depends on the people, how often you can meet each other and why/how long this situation will be like this.

For example I know a friends who ist from Czech Republik and Met her boyfriends while studiying abroad in Greece. They Spende a few months there together but wants to finish studiying in Czech Republic. They now meet and Spend every free weeks they have together either in Czech or in Greece or travel together and live happily ever after. Maybe because they know when they can move together!

 

On the other hand my boyfriends Met his Ex online and they lived a around 3hour Drive from each other. So not thaaat much. But she was underaged and couldn't just Drive here spobtaneously like he often did. Also there was No End in sight. He thought about moving their but she didn't even graduated and wanted to study aswell so No Money. And he couldn't pay a Flat in a expensive City in his own. Somehow she broke Up because of Seeveral reasons.

Conclusion: It could Work when both work on it together! I still prefer a Close relationship.

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Posted (edited)

@ everything that first reply stated:

oDHOE51.png

I'm currently in LDR (almost a year) & my last relationship was LD (3 years) as well. For my ex, distance wasn't the issue we simply grew apart which is human and can happen in local relationships as well. I fucking hate the "oh they'll cheat! how can you trust them if you can't keep tabs on them!?" argument. News flash, that can occur in local or "close" relationships as well. Just because they're 5 minutes away doesn't take away from the possibility that if they have intentions to cheat they will. No amount of physical contact will alter that as well since stories of couples living together with cheating/trust issues isn't anything new either. If you're being shady & thirsting over a co-worker or friend because they're "closer" then you're the one that isn't ready to commit to any relationship, simple. 

ALL relationships require communication, trust, honesty, patience, and loyalty. For LDRs I think the biggest challenge is making sure you're financially ready for it, especially if your partner lives oversea or something. A plane ticket can easily climb to $1.5k - $2k & that can make it less desirable to commit to the person as well if you can't afford it. Another obstacle is moving to them (or vice versa) but that's something that's of concern when you feel that person is The One & planning to settle down.

I understand it isn't for everyone but it's something that you should go into with an open mind. Just make sure that you're both ready for the relationship & take it one step at a time. If it doesn't work out for you then it's simply not for you. My vote is: It depends!

Sidenote: IMO, every single person who bashes it comes off as projecting all their trust issues, self-esteem issues, &/or clinginess.

update/eta (since this gets likes every once in a blue moon): my partner & i are still going strong 2.5 years later

Edited by mercy
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i say: it depends. 

i believe only certain types of people can have a healthy ldr relationship. i had been in one over a year and a half before he moved in with me and i know three online friends who are in a successful ldr relationship. you need trust, love, and common interests. although it's not always fun to go to sleep alone or not being able to see them everyday, i personally believe you form a strong bond that goes beyong physical attractiveness. you fall in love with their personality, and who they are as a person. you care so deeply for them that you don't mind waiting, and finally being able to see each other is a precious gift that makes you appreciate the other person's presence. Being with my boyfriend everyday is great but I definitely appreciated him more when I couldn't always have him.

I feel like most of the ldr's that don't work out is due to the fact that people are young, don't know any better, aren't nice people (cheat), or are just unable of being supportive from a distance. They don't always work out if you can never get to see them (like you're poor for some reason and waiting 10 years is too much), or you aren't compatible or the interest just fades away. 

When people irl found out I had a long distance relationship they all laughed, saying it would never work out and they would never do it. I shrugged it off because they didn't understand at the time, and what was funnier is that 3 of them started a ldr a year after because they found someone they loved. it's ridiculous to limit yourself to only the people around you, the world is vast and filled with amazing people.

 

some tips I would recommend is:

-strong communication. express your feelings and worries always and be 100% honest with each other.

-send pictures daily ! even if it's just your breakfast, a pic of your dog, your outfit, or a cute selfie for your partner. They will appreciate it greatly and I'm sure they like seeing a bit of what your life is like

-make plans. it helps a lot to think "only 150 days until i can see them". it may be a long time but knowing the day will come gives you more hope and makes you excited the last month of waiting. it can seem hopeless if you don't make plans or intend on meeting each other. (also make sure to save up for it).

-send some gifts! whether it's a little something from amazon, a letter or a tiny care package your partner will love receiving something from you.

-message lots and make time for each other. facetime and skype video calls are important as I believe they keep the connection going. Texting was nice for me but being able to see my boyfriend's face was nice too. Seeing your loved ones smile is a great feeling.

- play games together or watch movies, have little nights to yourselves that feels like a date. just because you're in another continent doesn't mean you can't do stuff with them!

 

i don't want to ramble on much longer but i also 100% agree with what Mercy posted above. Most of the time, if ldr's don't last it is because of the people themselves, not the distance.

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Posted

I also voted on: it depends

I haven't been in a ldr myself (at least not yet) but I think it depends on the people/situation. I use to be more skeptical about it but eh I guess I'm more open minded now? Like the whole cheating or stranger danger scenarios can apply to online or everyday life. :alpacaheadshake:

I'm actually curious on how others met their partner(s) and it became a ldr. Like do most do online dating websites, did you meet someone in another place, or did someone move away??? 

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I'm actually curious on how others met their partner(s) and it became a ldr. Like do most do online dating websites, did you meet someone in another place, or did someone move away??? 

 

I met my current & ex through the blue-hell-site, Tumblr lolol.
I never went in for dating purposes just happened to be a "oh hey we have a lot in common i'd like to get to know you!" scenario & then eventually one thing lead to another! :)

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Posted

I've been in multiple LDRs I'm not completely against them but it definitely is really rough. It hurts alot getting invalidated with the whole ""it was only a internet boyfriend it doenst count how can you care"" thing makes me want to give up on it completely. I used to be pro LDR but now as ive gotten older its more painful to me. I'm not sure whether to give uo or not honestly. It depends on who the person is. I'm not doing this casual dating thing online anymore. I take it seriously like meeting eachother possibly over time moving in or something. I can't just accept the fact I love this person online but I'll never meet them or its highly unlikely i'll meet them if that makes sense.

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Posted (edited)

Well it certainly required a lot of effort, but it's not impossible you know?

I'd say you need some good comunication and tons of love, but then again, like every long term relationship means to have. 

 

:alpacaheadshake:

Edited by Jabvu
I got 2 personal sorry
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