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General Venus Angelic Thread #3

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Having friends with BPD can be hit and miss. Mikan has talked about feeling suicidal but she, as far as we know, doesn't have BPD. I think she's a good friend for Venus, she has mental health problems but it doesn't seem like she has the level of illness as Venus. In my personal experience that works the best, I have a good friend who I've literally never fallen out with. She has anxiety and depression, so she understands me to some level. I think Venus needs more Mikan type fiends.

More personal experience stuff so I've spoilered it.

I have attempted to have friends who also have BPD, it never worked for me because my own father had BPD. So I used to find myself feeling the same level of anxiety with these friends, that I had with my dad as a child. Like, one girl spoke in a group therapy session about how she smashed up her flat every time her boyfriend wanted to go out. We were friends briefly but I was anxious around her, if she sent me a text message I felt I needed to reply straight away. Not only do I have the experience of emotional intensity, I was also on the receiving end of it as a kid and know how scary a person with those issues can be.

In the same group I attended two women made friends. They were both struggling with the same kinds of issues as each other, binge drinking, drink driving, battles with social services to keep/get back their kids. They really idolized each other and almost acted like a couple (they could have got together I suppose). After the group therapy sessions they would leave together and go straight into the pub next door.

I once met a lady with BPD, she started idealizing me. She wanted me in whatever room she was in, she'd copy me and was generally very smothering.

There tends to be two ways BPD manifests. 

Quiet Borderline - People who fall into this category tend to be introverted, instead of acting out in public and exploding they internalize things and try to bottle up their intense emotions until they eventually can't and explode. They often quietly go home and self-destruct behind closed doors and isolate themselves. Their symptoms are more problematic to them rather than to other people (What I mean by that is they are less inclined to have brushes with the law or row in the street with a stranger), family and friends don't often realise they are struggling until they have had a melt down.

Classic Borderline - People who you could define as classic Borderline are more what people think of when you say BPD. They will act out and so on. Someone who are classic, will display their emotions right there and then, on a very frequent basis. They are less inclined/able to bottle up their emotions, they are also more likely to become very clingy.

I very much fall into the quiet category and the two people I've known were classic. That's just my experience and as I said earlier relationships with people who have BPD are more awkward for me because of my dad's so my judgement may not be the best. I appreciate that a most people with BPD have a parent or caregiver who have issues or mental health problems.

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Was she being completely serious though?  I took the instagram post as just a bit jokey, it would be a worry if she was being serious.

I agree with what you say, but not in calling people crazies. Who hasn't got some sort of mental health problem these days? Life is so stressful, most people I know could be said to have some sort of mental health problem in one way or another, myself included. Everybody, even the most normal seeming, have some quirk or attribute that could be seen as a bit off in some way. Maybe there is too much emphasis on peoples personalities and expecting everyone to be normal, whatever that is,  i like people who are often considered a bit eccentric by others because they seem more interesting to know.

 

Im sorry but you can not compare personality disorders to the normal ups and downs of the average person. That's called life and it's a normal part of life and always has been. Everyone in their life time will face struggles mentally at some point. Whether that'll be Financially, loss of friends,parents,job, moving, and everything in between. No doubt some have it worse than others. And of course adults can also develop mental health issues like depression and PTSD. But on average people struggle and will not develop mental health disorders. facing some struggles is a normal and average part of life. No one goes through life with a smile on their face 24/7,. But its just incomparable to having a severe mental disorder that develops due to early childhood trauma. These people often struggle their entire life surrounded by people who they will rarely be able to relate to or are stigmatized which is certainly true for bpd. That is not a "quirk" or "attribute". And uncontrolled bpd is a VERY severe mental disorder. Ive been in the rollercoaster of dealing with someone like venus, it has been hell. These kind of disorders like bpd,did etc can not develop in adulthood, because when you struggle in adulthood the impact is very different compared to when it happens in your childhood. Cause as an adult you are already emotionally developed with a steady and strong personality, but abuse during childhood(<10) when children are super vulnerable and still developing rapidly will have a major impact on who you are going to become as an adult. It is very different progress even compared to severe abuse happening in adult hood. 

Edited by Kiko
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There seems to be some sort of problem here with regards to posting. I tried to send a message out to the web site informing them about this but even that didn't go out. Lets see if this gets through or not.

So I wanted to add that if Venus decided to move back to Europe she would choose Switzerland over Hungary . She has no desire to live in Hungary because she doesn't know the language and she grew up in Switzerland and not in Hungary.

 

Something that baffles me about Venus is why she doesn't want to have any contact with her Aunt or maternal Grandparents . I understand about her Mother but what did the other family members ever do to her ?

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There seems to be some sort of problem here with regards to posting. I tried to send a message out to the web site informing them about this but even that didn't go out. Lets see if this gets through or not.

So I wanted to add that if Venus decided to move back to Europe she would choose Switzerland over Hungary . She has no desire to live in Hungary because she doesn't know the language and she grew up in Switzerland and not in Hungary.

 

Something that baffles me about Venus is why she doesn't want to have any contact with her Aunt or maternal Grandparents . I understand about her Mother but what did the other family members ever do to her ?

 

you have to realize that Margaret most likely alienated her from her family with all the moving and the obvious distaste. she probably barely knows them. 

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Im sorry but you can not compare personality disorders to the normal ups and downs of the average person. That's called life and it's a normal part of life and always has been. Everyone in their life time will face struggles mentally at some point. Whether that'll be Financially, loss of friends,parents,job, moving, and everything in between. No doubt some have it worse than others. And of course adults can also develop mental health issues like depression and PTSD. But on average people struggle and will not develop mental health disorders. facing some struggles is a normal and average part of life. No one goes through life with a smile on their face 24/7,. But its just incomparable to having a severe mental disorder that develops due to early childhood trauma. These people often struggle their entire life surrounded by people who they will rarely be able to relate to or are stigmatized which is certainly true for bpd. That is not a "quirk" or "attribute". And uncontrolled bpd is a VERY severe mental disorder. Ive been in the rollercoaster of dealing with someone like venus, it has been hell. These kind of disorders like bpd,did etc can not develop in adulthood, because when you struggle in adulthood the impact is very different compared to when it happens in your childhood. Cause as an adult you are already emotionally developed with a steady and strong personality, but abuse during childhood(<10) when children are super vulnerable and still developing rapidly will have a major impact on who you are going to become as an adult. It is very different progress even compared to severe abuse happening in adult hood. 

 

Well I'm sorry but please don't assume I had an abuse free childhood because I did not. I hope you don't mind if I don't go into details about it on here, I'm not comfortable talking about the abuse I've been through, I'd rather not have to think about it,  I try to focus on things to make me feel happy. 

Did you see the latest Instagram post from Venus, with an ice cream?  She looks lovely in it, well she always does but it's so nice to see her looking so happy.

He does look feminine for Westeners though quite normal looking/masculine for Japanese people. Since Venus has been living in Japan for quite some time I kinda doubt she finds him very feminine either...? Also, his voice is quite deep. Either way, I hope Venus will figure out her sexuality and find someone who she can be with romantically or platonically and who will support her through her journey.

 

Yes I agree, she may not find him that feminine now, but in her Q&A video she said that the reason she liked him was that he looked feminine, but that was a while ago, a few months I think now.  I don't know if anyone here saw the video on Youtube, but Venus presented herself very well, and was so good at being able to talk to a room full of people and answer their questions. No one would ever think that she'd had any kind of mental health problems,. i think she seems much saner than I am because I wouldn't be able to cope with doing that, I'd be far too nervous.

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She also appeared in the story of you_stole_my_apricot, they are probably hanging out! She looked pretty happy. At least she has some distraction and is in contact with friends (even though Mizuki leaves today for New Zealand) 

ice.png

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She also appeared in the story of you_stole_my_apricot, they are probably hanging out! She looked pretty happy. At least she has some distraction and is in contact with friends (even though Mizuki leaves today for New Zealand) 

ice.png

 

Yes she looks lovely, it's nice to see her doing so well.

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There seems to be some sort of problem here with regards to posting. I tried to send a message out to the web site informing them about this but even that didn't go out. Lets see if this gets through or not.

So I wanted to add that if Venus decided to move back to Europe she would choose Switzerland over Hungary . She has no desire to live in Hungary because she doesn't know the language and she grew up in Switzerland and not in Hungary.

 

Something that baffles me about Venus is why she doesn't want to have any contact with her Aunt or maternal Grandparents . I understand about her Mother but what did the other family members ever do to her ?

 

It could be that her aunt and grandparents are messed up people too. Judging by Maggot's behaviour, she probably had a traumatic childhood. Although siblings can have different experiences and one may grow up to be mentally stable whilst the other doesn't, it isn't always the case. Maggot's sister could be almost as bad or worse, we don't know. Venus has shown an interest in her father but that side of her family seem to reject her, so we know she has an interest in reaching out to family. At a guess I'd say there is a reason she isn't contacting her aunt. 

 

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Yes she looks lovely, it's nice to see her doing so well.

 

Just because she smiles and stuff doesn't mean things are for sure alright or good.

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Something that baffles me about Venus is why she doesn't want to have any contact with her Aunt or maternal Grandparents . I understand about her Mother but what did the other family members ever do to her ?

I am pretty sure that even if she would want more contact she is in no condition for that. Things like that are emotionaly very drainig and reopen old wounds to some extend and she barely has the energy to cope with her everyday life. We know from her videos that she tried a bit but it was clear it wasn't an easy task. It is very possible that the whole family dynamics aren't very healthy or at least not easy and most don't want to be confronted with stress.

From her current point it is wiser to focus on japan and her contacts there. Europe is far away and she doesn't have much money to travel anyway. Not only had she an unhealthy parent-child relationship with lots of abuse but she is also not grounded local and social what is an extra negative plus.

Edited by Veeja
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It could be that her aunt and grandparents are messed up people too. Judging by Maggot's behaviour, she probably had a traumatic childhood. Although siblings can have different experiences and one may grow up to be mentally stable whilst the other doesn't, it isn't always the case.

 

 

I sometimes wonder if personality traits are a genetic thing, as someone I know, you have to be so careful what you say around him, he can go totally berserk at the tiniest little imagined wrong thing, his sister is exactly the same, yet they both agree their childhood was not bad, and the sister is always saying how wonderful their parents were. Even though both so alike in their super angry behaviour, they don't get on and whereas the sister is always at doctors and had every anti psychotic, anti depressant, anti anxiety, sleeping medication and all kinds of therapies going, he won't go near doctors, and even if he did, he always knows how to present himself in such a well balanced reasonable way to anyone who could diagnose him with a psychoses, I've often wondered if he is one of the psychopathic personalities as fitted so well with something Margaret posted on her Instagram once where she was trying to claim that Venus was one, which even if true, I thought was not right that a mother would say that about her daughter, surely even if everything she said was true, her instinct should have been to protect her child and not bash her reputation online even if like she claimed, she had been badly hurt?

I just get the vibes from watching Margaret's videos and reading her Instagram posts sometimes, that I would have to be very careful what I said around her for fear she would take it the wrong way and get angry, I don't get those vibes from Venus, (and been watching her videos right from the start), I feel i could relax and have a laugh with Venus, but Margaret seems so stilted somehow, but may be that is because she does not speak English so well as Venus does, i don't know, just my thoughts, but Venus seems like someone I could get on with and feel relaxed in her company.

It could be that her aunt and grandparents are messed up people too. Judging by Maggot's behaviour, she probably had a traumatic childhood. Although siblings can have different experiences and one may grow up to be mentally stable whilst the other doesn't, it isn't always the case. Maggot's sister could be almost as bad or worse, we don't know. Venus has shown an interest in her father but that side of her family seem to reject her, so we know she has an interest in reaching out to family. At a guess I'd say there is a reason she isn't contacting her aunt. 

 
 
I just wrote out reply to this post and it seemed to post but now disappeared so really don't know what is happening, here, maybe a glitch on the site? Apologies if my former reply shows up, but I just wanted to say how i wonder if personality traits can be genetic?  A brother & sister i know who had good childhoods,, she is always saying how wonderful their;parents were, but both of them will go berserk at the tiniest little imagined slight, you have to be so careful what you say around them. They don't get on and whereas he will never go to doctors she is always there and had every medication going and loads of therapy, even if he did see a doctor he presents himself as so well balanced and reasonable and knows exactly how to present himself to make good impression, i thought of him when i read margaret's explanation of what a psychopath is like, though I thought it was awful that she said that about her own daughter, because even if true, I think a mother's instinct should be to protect her child and not bash her reputation online like margaret did. even if she had felt badly hurt as she claimed.
 
I do feel that if i had to spend any time in Margaret's company I would be worried in case i said the wrong thing and she got angry, whereas with Venus i feel i could relax and have a laugh with her, (I've watched her videos right from back when she started so have seen her grow up) maybe it is partly to do with how Margaret doesn't speak English so well as Venus and she sounds rather stilted? I think though it is to do with her personality, she seems more brittle and more liable to take offense where none was intended.
And to the person who said just because Venus seems happy in her pictures doesn't mean she is, I know that very well, but I like to celebrate the times when she feels up and can commiserate with her on the down times.  I tried replying to the different comments separately but this site is playing up it seems, or something is wrong, not sure if this will post or not, but I'll try.  Is anyone else having problems geting things to post? i know someone said so recently,

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Replies are not showing up, so I'm sorry if they all appear at once and duplicated,   i really don't know what is causing it,  Is it something I am doing wrong

 

Well, to add to the confusion, this is showing up but the replies I wrote to two other posters, are not showing up at all, I don't like to try again in case the same thing shows up about three times. 

Edited by Aokay
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Replies are not showing up, so I'm sorry if they all appear at once and duplicated,   i really don't know what is causing it,  Is it something I am doing wrong

 

Well, to add to the confusion, this is showing up but the replies I wrote to two other posters, are not showing up at all, I don't like to try again in case the same thing shows up about three times. 

 

I can see one reply before this post. PULL has merge two posts into one.

Some mental illnesses can have a genetic component. Bipolar Disorder has been linked to a gene. BPD is a trauma disorder, no gene has ever been linked to it. Some mental disorders, like Schizophrenia, are triggered by a combination of genes and trauma or substance abuse.

I think you are spot on about Maggot being difficult to talk to. 

Edited by Marilyn
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It's a feeling I get that she would be so liable to take something the wrong way. But anyway, so sorry my post came out all mixed up and kind of duplicated, maybe there is a delay in the posts showing up? it did post and was there, but then when I tried to post a reply to the other person, the one I wrote to you vanished, so I tried again and it has merged both those. I am a little reluctant to post much more as I don't want to clog up the forum.

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I don’t mean to offend anyone, but should we make a separate channel for talking about bpd / personality disorders? 

I feel like every so often the conversation circles back to personal experiences or guessing at what causes mental illness

 

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