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"Why am I your friend?" experiences?


54 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

When I was 20 I made some new friends at the University. Both turned out to be kinda stupid.

The first friend was a female and I had absolutely no idea what was going on with her. We shared an apartment together only for a couple of weeks. It was actually her idea that I would move into her home because rent is incredibly expensive where I live. I was searching for a place to stay too and I thought things would work out. WRONG.

She would only talk about herself 24/7. Talk so highly about herself because she's now a ~student~. She actually looked down on one of her former friends, I found out, because she chose to do an apprenticeship instead of going to university.

When she would learn, which was basically every day - I get that, okay but she overdid the learning thing, even told me that she'd already learned all this and knows it perfectly but she would relearn it now so she get's an A for sure - she was expecting me to walk on eggshells. Everytime, which wasn't often anyway cuz I didn't want to interrupt her, she gave me this angry look when I came into the kitchen to get something to eat/whatever. She would sit there and spent 8 hours or more. I'm sorry I get hungry or thirsty from time to time? It's kinda natural. I swear someday I was "too loud" for her because I opened a window. OKAY GIRL. I lived there too now and I had to do stuff too, but she didn't get that.

Then she had this date with this guy and I wished her best of luck and fun and everything and for some reason she started telling me a of a sudden how she is still a virgin and how she misses her old friends right now because she can speak to them about masturbation. I was like: Why did you actually feel the need to tell me something like that? Like what.

Then she came back, and she wasn't even halfway through the door, when she started shouting at me about what he did to her. Turns out, he said he couldn't meet her next thursday at 4 pm because his boss said he needed to work a bit longer that day, a colleaque of him fell out. He apologized and seemed very geniune about it, she told me his exact words. I asked if this was the first time he had to cancel an appointement. She said yes. Okay. Turned out she was angry at him because he needed to work longer. Then she started insulting him pretty badly because he had his own life, job and responsibilities.

 

Two weeks after I moved in I caught the flu. I was really miserable. I slept in on the couch, but woke up because I felt that someone was pulling the blanket away from me. She had such a lunatic look on her face, I felt kinda overwhelmed with the whole situation. I was like "what's up?" and she just pushed me from the couch onto the floor! Like she was hulk on drugs or something. She started screaming (yeah, SCREAMING) "I need to wash that blanket today!!!" She was mad at me a whole week, gave me angry looks and did the silent treatment. I realized she'd eventually never stop, so I decided to talk to her about it. I told her that I had caught a really nasty flu and the antibiotics and painkillers had made me so sleepy, so I fell asleep and how I don't see how there's a problem. It wasn't like she invited friends to her or something. She just acted all annoyed but didn't answer my question what it had been that had made her so angry. I got no answer. So a week later I packed my things and moved out.

 

The other friend was a 20 year old who turned out to still live with his mom. I thought it was okay, since he paid rent for his apartment (they actually lived in two apartments, they just broke the wall down which sperated the two apartments). But then he started to complain about how unfair it is that he needs a phone call for his job. So he could call his boss when he's sick or his boss could theoretically (figured his boss never did that anyway), call him if there's an emergency at the company. 

What finally made me cut ties with him was the thing with this letter... I get sick a lot, so one time I asked him if he could take the letter from university and send or bring it to me. In that letter was the learning matter for a very important test. He never brought it to me. And until the test was over, I had no idea what happened to it anyway. Because whenever I called him, noone picked up the phone. He didn't answer my mails, never answered on Skype although he was online. He then, one day, called me back and was like "oh, by the way your letter must be somewhere on my desk". He acted as if it was no big deal. I asked him what the hell he did the last month. Why I couldn't reach him. He said he has no idea, he spent the WHOLE MONTH at home because HE WAS FIRED. Meaning, he would have had ENOUGH time to bring that frigging letter to me. What an irresponsible ****.

 

And then I met this girl who always had some sob-story to tell, whenever I ran into her in the hallways at university. The last thing I heard from her was that she was "suffering from heavy depression" (her words) because her hairdresser cut her bangs a few millimeters too short.

Edited by ThePumpkinPot
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Posted (edited)

Edited before my friends find me :/

Edited by Princess
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@ThePumpkinPot wow. Your first "friend" sounds scary and unstable. Stay far far faaaar away from the crazies lol

@Princess sorry you're going through a rough time. Have you tried to have a serious talk with any of them? It could also be maybe you're both outgrowing one another? I went through a similar experience at the end of middle school up to my freshman year of high school. Sometimes fading out is a blessing in disguise. You may think you know someone for years but in reality not know anything at all. Also, just my two cents, but getting matching tattoos and giving your friends/clique a nickname sounds a bit silly and over the top for me. If you're worried about making new friends just go out there. Talk to classmates or co-workers. Hope things work out for you! If they don't take a tip from Joan Jett 'you don't lose when you lose fake friends'

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@ThePumpkinPot wow. Your first "friend" sounds scary and unstable. Stay far far faaaar away from the crazies lol

@Princess sorry you're going through a rough time. Have you tried to have a serious talk with any of them? It could also be maybe you're both outgrowing one another? I went through a similar experience at the end of middle school up to my freshman year of high school. Sometimes fading out is a blessing in disguise. You may think you know someone for years but in reality not know anything at all. Also, just my two cents, but getting matching tattoos and giving your friends/clique a nickname sounds a bit silly and over the top for me. If you're worried about making new friends just go out there. Talk to classmates or co-workers. Hope things work out for you! If they don't take a tip from Joan Jett 'you don't lose when you lose fake friends'

 

Yeah I thought so too and never regreted even for a second that I moved out. I don't care seriously. I'm now living in an apartment all on my own and it's amazing. Lol

Well I had instances where my friend group would hang out without me knowing until I see on snapchat and facebook. Funny thing is they always say I was part of the group and always mentioned that I was such a "close" friend. I guess not close enough? They had a day where they got matching tattoos that meant to symbolizing their everlasting friendship and even calling themselves the "ride or die" crew. I've known some of them longer than they known each other but I guess no one really likes me? I try to put effort into meeting up with them but they're always busy but not for each other. Sometimes I wonder if they're actually my friends anymore. They are starting to know things about each other that I don't anymore and it's like I'm the one being kicked out of the group. It's odd because sometimes I confide in me that one of our friends seems to like her new friends in college better but they still hang out with her more than me so I wouldn't want to know what they consider me. Every rare time I do hang out they act like we don't have this divider between us or we are more distant now. They don't show that they don't like my company but I guess they don't seek it. They're nice people so I don't see the point in ending a relationship if nothing went wrong. But I do think "why am I your friend" so many times. 

I don't have any other friends so without their rare contact I would be completely alone. I guess my answer to why am i your friend is because i have no other choice. sorry for the emotional rant but urgh I feel like there's others who understands this.

 

 

 

To be honest what they do sounds pretty passive-aggressive. Some people actually don't have the guts to say that things have changed, so they give you these subtle clues and hope you do the dirty work and get out of the circle on your own. You seem to think how they act is about you but what they do isn't about you at all. Their behaviour doesn't determine your worth or how much of a good friend you are.

I think when someone's actions and words don't match (saying "you're such a close friend", but then go out and hang out without you, get tattoos without you, share secrets without you) they're not nice. Well, these are just my two cents and probably I'm wrong, I don't know them in person. Maybe they are unaware of how they're making you feel. Everyone needs to decide on his own what they want but I'd rather be alone than have friends who treat me in a less than manner. Confront them about it and maybe they'll include you more in the future? Anyways good luck to you.

Edited by ThePumpkinPot
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Oh boy, do I have a story. 

To preface, this was quite a while ago in highschool. I'm still pretty salty about it though.

So, I had this one class that I met this dude in. We sat next to eachother, he started to talk to me, and turns out that we initially got along really well. We started hanging out during lunch, and eventually exchanged phone numbers. 

Pretty early on, he mentioned that he liked me. I'm a lesbian. I told him so, and he said that he respects my decision, but kept complaining about seeing "gay shit" during our entire friendship. :feelgood: And then proceeded to get salty when I waved him off like "yeah whatever dude".

Pretty soon I noticed that he's really quite an annoying person to be around. He kept making sexual comments about me and then proceeded to get defensive and say that was it's a joke when I told him to shut it down. He didn't want me to have other friends, made fart jokes and then railed on me for being immature, and had a huge "holier than thou" attitude. He would lamely talk back to teachers or start loudly ranting about how humanity sucks and how he hates everyone, and it was embarrassing to be around kek. He also! Told me!! To get over!!! My eating disorder!!!! 

I think that was truly the last straw. I didn't directly cut him off because I still had to sit next to him, but I blocked him on everything and just ghosted him both irl and online. I was so excited when we first met because I thought I made a friend with a connection, but no, I guess he just wanted to fuck lmao. Now I hold nothing but disdain for him. Teenage boys ain't shit.

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Someone I was friends/classmates with since we were 6 years old who knew I'm an introvert who doesn't drink at all still kept insisting I'd drink and even admitted she tried to get me drunk around strangers when she is fully aware I was so fucking uncomfortable with it. She'd make me go to parties I repeatedly said I didn't want to go to (I was miserable every time) and then she had the nerve of fucking LEAVING me there alone with no way of getting home. Had to call my parents to come get me at like 3AM. Funny thing is my parents were ready for it, since they also knew what she was like...

Also never caring about what I want or feel, everything was always about her and what she wanted to do. Yet she'd always be like "I know we'll ALWAYS be friends" and guilt me into still hanging out with her...

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Ive been friends with a girl for a year and she's a damn drama magnet. Every friend circle we've interacted with she managed to piss off one or many. And I'm always the one playing damage control for her. Like I've been essentially groomed to put up with her annoying condescending bullshit, so I always explain to people 'no no she doesn't mean it's blablahblah. Well it's finally gotten tiring to the point I just sat there thinking "why do I do this? Why are we even friends?" Because even I'm unable to stomach her condescending attitude. Like I no longer believe the excuses I make for her lol .

 

Anyway, she stirred shit with people again, they blew up, and she tried hiding behind my skirt again. But instead I stayed out of it. Got called a bad friend and she tried making me jealous by going on about some fuckboy we know who defended her lol. 

Anyway we Still talk but I don't consider us as close as we used to be, or whatever I believed we were anyway. I hope she learns to pick her own battles some day. 

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I've been thinking about this lately actually. I have a friend who always tries to one up me, copy me, or play "catch up" to me because apparently I have some status that she wants. She's always giving me half-assed compliments or wanting me to shower her with love. More than once she's said she's gonna be cosplay famous and that she will blow up at a con. Meanwhile I'm just trying to enjoy what little happiness I can while she poisons my mentality on cosplayers. I went to a con and was expecting people to give me animosity because all my friend does is that. Constantly. Just because we both cosplayed the same character. Ugh.

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I've been thinking about this lately actually. I have a friend who always tries to one up me, copy me, or play "catch up" to me because apparently I have some status that she wants. She's always giving me half-assed compliments or wanting me to shower her with love. More than once she's said she's gonna be cosplay famous and that she will blow up at a con. Meanwhile I'm just trying to enjoy what little happiness I can while she poisons my mentality on cosplayers. I went to a con and was expecting people to give me animosity because all my friend does is that. Constantly. Just because we both cosplayed the same character. Ugh.

 

I used to have a friend like this, except it was with art. She always turned everything into a competition and wanted people to compare our art. Never complemented my work and was hyper critical even though I practically worshipped her art. It made me really uncomfortable and insecure for a long time. All I wanted was to have fun. 

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