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Everyone I know is fake

13 posts in this topic

Posted

So idk I like this site and I been so damn bored with my life, watching all these famous you tubers and looking at all these cute Instagram people but where can I get that or how can I get people to like me?

these past few days I realized all my friends which isn't that many, are so fake to me. They only use me for rides and money.

this isn't a pity post, I just wonder how you guys make friends and where I can meet cool people without feeling awkward.. Sorry if this irrelevant or whatever , just sick of life.

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Posted

don't ever spend money on others lol they can take care of themself

You won't find cool people if you let them treat you like a doormat. Anyway, you can always attend events, join hobby related things where you can find ppl with similar interests, meetup groups (meetup.com),etc. If chatting up people at the bus/train/wherever is normal in your country, then practice doing that. Believe it or not, you can actually find a longtime best friend on a train lmao

Maybe you should also figure out why people are fake to you and use you, so that you won't make the same mistakes again (or the problem doesn't rely within you at all and you've somehow only met assholes during your entire lifetime, idk)

I sound a bit douchey when it's 4am, sorry

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Posted

Living your life to please others is disappointing. You should live for yourself and be happy, because not everyone will be pleased with what you do. One of the reasons your friends may have used you is maybe you look easy to target (emotionally weak or unconfident), that may not be the reason but I've seen that happen before. Just don't allow anyone to use you and stand up for yourself, if people still want to use you, just don't hang out with them anymore. I think if you have certain interests in things (such as art, athletics, etc.), you could join a club or apply for a job that you like. You can make friends basically anywhere, you just need to be open. It takes effort to have any type of relationship, so you can't expect someone to approach you and initiate conversation. Best of luck!:D

Btw I just make friends by saying hi to another person that catches my interest, and then we have a conversation. I guess it became easier after I overcame my shyness.

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Posted (edited)

I may not be of much help, but I can share some of my experiences with friends and being alone.

With any fame based around social media, please keep in mind that these people dedicate a lot of time to create the perfect, enviable online presence. They're only sharing the best glimpses into their lives so to the average follower, their life is flawless. But beyond the camera, there's not much more we'd know about them, and I bet they're less willing to share failures and other moments they're not proud of. 

In high school, I had a sneaking suspicion that my friend group kept me around because our class was rather small and I made handy study guides for exams. I had gone to a private, predominantly white, religious school, and I was a minority in both race and faith (or lack thereof). Now six years later, none of them have kept in touch beyond remaining a friend on facebook, some not even that. In college, I made friends easily in my first year because I viewed it as a chance for me to start over in a more diverse environment. However, these friends soon fizzled out as they got caught up in Greek life and other commitments. It was during this time that I discovered an appreciation for being on my own and doing activities independent of others. It helps that I'm an introvert too, lol. I still had the guys on the soccer team, the people in art club, and a study group of people taking the same course, but I was comfortable doing my own thing too.

I wasn't able to keep a solid group of friends throughout the years, but I can't say I was friendless and I won't lie and say I've never felt loneliness. There's a difference between feeling lonely and being alone, and from your description, I'd say you're feeling alone. The worst type of loneliness is the kind you feel even when you're around others because they're not the right people for you. 

You'll meet people you feel comfortable with only by being yourself. I'm not sure where you are in life, so it's a little hard to give suggestions, but I think knowing what your likes are in terms of hobbies and interests is a good starting point. What are some of your hobbies? This can open up opportunities to find people with the same interests and passions in clubs, organizations, or communities. If it's something you enjoy, it'll be a little easier to start a conversation with common ground and build from there. You can also try applying this to online friendships or pen pals too.

At the end of the day, the only thing you own that can't be taken away from you is you. In addition to making friends, I think it'd be worth it to try finding ways to be comfortable in both your skin and who you are until loneliness and alone aren't synonymous. Try setting aside some time to reflect on who you are, how far you've come, and where you might be going. If you feel at peace with yourself, you'll be okay no matter what. 

Best of luck. : )

Edited by Delta
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Posted

Fake friends usually come about with you own need and desperation for human contact and friends. Or, at least in my case. :drool: When I moved abroad, there was culture shock and I was lonely so I literally hung out with anybody that would have me, without being choosey like I would in my home country. So that turned out for me to have the shortest-lived friendships ever. In my time here, only a few seemed to genuinely care about me as a person. Once I stopped giving these people what they wanted out of the friendship, they disappear fast.

And like PP said above, it's important you become comfortable being alone for awhile. Be comfortable with yourself and your company until you come across people who you actually connect with. With the internet, it's easy to find meetups for similar interests, beliefs, skills, etc.

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Posted

I've always been great with people in general but terrible at making friends. Working in customer service kind of broke me because being nice to people became a job and I get worn out by people quickly. So there's no way I can help you in making friends outside of online. 

That being said, it's better to have no friends than to have 20 shitty friends. If you don't want to drop them then you need to learn how to say "no." yeah it's scary but make up excuses in their beginning until you're strong enough to just say "nah, bitch."

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Posted

Before I went to college, I had crippling social anxiety.  I walked like someone uncomfortable in their own skin.  

When I left for college I swore to overcome my social anxiety. 

Any time you hang out in large groups, the shallower the contacts will be.  

The best thing you can do is find people who are willingly to hang out with just the two of you.  That's a sign they want to know you.  Fake people almost never want to waste time on just being around "you".  Not unless you happen to be Beyonce or something.  They're there for the social media posts about what an awesome time they're having with their "group of friends".  They want to create envy.  

Also look for people you have common interests in.  Not every friendship has to be this close thing.  You don't have to be soul buddies.  To this day I have probably only 1-2 truly close friends.  That's actually a fairly normal number in the really, close friendship realm.  

Then there is the somewhat close friends 1-4.  And finally the hangout friends 1-20.  

Don't try to push for close friends.  If it happens, it happens, but it'll be mutual.  Just let each person choose the distance right for both of you.  

I'd say focus first on finding hangout friends (friends of common interests).  They are the people you probably can't bear your soul to, but you can have a fun Friday night with.  You can go hiking with them.  You can go to a theme park with.  Sometimes they can turn into a close friend.  

But it's best to stick to the smallest number possible if you want to build closeness.  

And don't buy into this "toxic" friend crap that the vloggers whine about.  

A real friend won't always support you.  They may even disappoint you.  The trick is knowing when they're questioning comes from a place of love and concern and when it comes from malice.  It can be a real hard call.  This is probably the hardest part of making a real friend: knowing when to walk away.  
 

I'd say the best advice I can offer on that is not be desperate for the other person's companionship. Don't play games and don't let them play games with you.  

You'll probably have to work through a lot of bad friendships to get the hang of figuring out the real from the fake.  The best way though is to see if they'll hang out with just you.  Generally, fake friends won't do that unless you're buying them something and even then they may not.  They don't want to be seen with "just you".  

I don't know if any of that was helpful.  It's just what I learned.  

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Posted

Cheer up :') You just need to re-evaluate the worth of your friends, I mean if they're the types who just leeched at you like vampires then they're not the best for you. Find friends who can have your back without them actually stabbing it. The friends whom despite all the downfalls, still there to keep you company. It might be hard to search for some of them but they're actually there. 

I had this really weird policy of 'quality over quantity.' after some incident during College.  I've tried having tons of friends during college but they only stuck to me when they needed something or like some sort of requests. The most painful thing I had was the time I had this really toxic friend who happens to just mimic whatever you are doing and outdid you in a most condescending way. For example, I fancy drawing things.

I really like drawing when I had free times, this 'toxic' friend happens to be fond of drawing too, which is probably the end route for me of having a 'perfect friendship' with someone whom I can relate. I was stupid, there's this time when I tell her I want to buy that color set but I lack the money, then out of a sudden she immediately buys it. She even goes to the extent of flaunting it to my face. It was really kind of sad seeing her buying everything that I wanted to buy despite not even using them, pitiable when she posts her drawings right after I post mine. That's why I decided to stay low at drawing during college, afraid that I might start an unhealthy competition with her.

Then, my other friend likes photography yet only had a cheap camera to tinker and do her passion. This toxic friend immediately bought a camera and started to like photography. We tried to shut her constant bragging about her maelstrom of panoramic views; as a friend we let it slide--again.

She even goes that far to buy the watch my other friend had saved up for her birthday and again the cliche way she could do was flaunt it on her face.

Lastly, we were at a school lobby and she was staring at all these sexy and thin girls, toxic friend is slightly overweight, and says to us. "If I'm not even this fat, I wouldn't be friends with you but them." She points at the pretty girls loitering at the lobby and laughed like it was supposedly a joke. To the two of us who listened to her, she was the joke. It really hurt.

That's it, she's undeniably toxic. She needed to go.

 

And here I am having two of my closest friends who're maybe not with me 24/7 yet they're still willing to talk to me despite all the non-sense and flaws. All you need to do is open your eyes wide, segregate which is gold and definitely--trash.

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Posted

im kinda wondering the same.I have moved around and changed schools a lot and I only have four people I can truly call my friends.I'm happy about it, but I'd love to have a more diverse hang out group to go to concerts or whatever with. And I really struggle to talk to new people, so basically I went to concerts by myself without talking to anyone for a while because of the music. And my best friend pointed out that a few friends are only nice because they thought they could fuck me and were always the 1st to tell me they didn't like my boyfriend or question my sanity because I decided to date that person. And because of former experience I am convinced that a lot of people from school I talked to frequently kind of secretly thought I was weird as fuck and not worth hanging out after school because I do see a lot of pictures of them hanging out  but I never get asked to join, and whenever I initiate something I get weird cancellations, then hear about the awesome weekend the whole group spend in the woods and at the golf course without a hint of "we should have invited you too". And telling them directly comes weird too. Because it's mostly just the feeling, not something they said in your face and you know for sure.  

 

Also, my best friend and I I get excluded from a part of that group for being in heterosexual relationships And being heterosexual. 

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Posted

I'm surrounded by fake af people too (I have a couple of people that I actually consider friends).  I've always wanted to be a Singer since I was little and I sang in my father's (who I haven't spoken to in over a decade)  recording studio.  The people around me don't have dreams or don't try to follow them.  So they like to make me feel like I'm going to do nothing but fail. It's hard,  and I do feel like I will now (half due to the people around me and half do to the fact that I'm... tired).  

Fake people suck,  and they are everywhere like an infestation on this earth.  I'm introvert so being only doesn't bother me as much as other people but it still hurts to feel like I don't have that group of people who I can bond with. 

I think the best way to deal with them is to learn how to look at them as the joke that they are. But that's easier said then done. 

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Posted

Hi everyone! i'm new member.

why we needs aprovation to the people? i learn love myself because all my life i received bad opinion to the people,but now i don't care with it, because i learn to knows me, things i like or not. Dreams? yeah, i have, but never say your dreams, because your friends/family/etc they will never want  you to be better than them.

Just be yourself.

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Posted (edited)

Im being honest,

but there is a girl in my school who always said to me "I envy you for having so many friends and hanging out with them every weekend"... But I don't really have people I can call friends tbh There are people I talk to or hang out with but mostly they aren't here for me if Im sad,  they are "friends" when I am happy or in party mode but nothing else which is sad. And I don't even have a single person who I can call my best friend :/ And I bet when I move out after graduation they won't even care if Im not here :( 

Edited by MajesticAkashi
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Honestly, I cut off ties with all the people that were fake with me after high school and I don't regret it, I have one friend that's honest with me and i'm fine with that. I make friends very easily but you can't force it. It's nice to just enjoy your own company sometimes and practice your hobbies. 

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