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534 posts in this topic

Posted

I feel bad for belly aching over the phone to my mother this morning. It was only because I was expecting a call, which actually did occur today.

Oh yeah..the steak from last night tasted delicious.

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i wish i could stop caring what people thought of me so bad. i feel really selfish and guilty every time i decide not to do something. i took on more things than i could this semester because everyone says trying new things will make you stronger, grow, blah blah blah. nobody is forcing me to do it. but all of a sudden i feel like i have to do everything because i'm graduating soon. or if i do all these things, they'll give me value and make me a more likable person. idk. i spent my whole life saying no to everything because of my anxiety, but my stress fluctuates so easily.

 

i'm excited for the future, but i'm scared that i'm always going to be alone. 

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    .

Edited by moonlight42
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Real talk: war/apocalypse/invasion/zombie movies give me nightmares. I'm not lying. I can't watch things like Saving Private Ryan, The Walking Dead or fucking Jurassic Park because they follow me into my dreams, then I get nightmares and I'm sad. With that said, I'm playing SMTV:A knowing full well what the last game was about and what I'm about to get into. After I just had a zombie apocalypse nightmare last night and I woke up terrified. Because I'm dumb like that.

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there's this guy in my neighborhood who approached me while I was walking my dog last night and the way he spoke to me what he said and what he asked me gave me major creepy vibes...

 it occurred at 10:30pm.... he implied, seriously implied, he's watched me from his house before and now I'm really creeped out. I had never talked to him before that or even seen him looking at me. the direct admission that he'd seen me and asked me "when did you move in" comes across as someone asking too much info and I'm always, always skeptical of someone who approaches me as closely as he did, he was way too close, kept speaking to me, wouldn't back off, and my tone of voice was hasty and clearly unnerved, he would not back off. since he was a grown ass man I doubt he had any kind of excuse for his lack of awareness at my body language... my dog, who he initially approached me about, was skeptical of him herself, kept backing away when I tried to let him pet her, not to be rude to him... and that solidifies my nerve that he's a creep.

guess it's time to start carrying around pepper spray, I've been catcalled, I've had the cops called on me for chasing my dog around the neighborhood and now I've had an encounter with a presumed creep? this isn't even a bad neighborhood, so what the fuck is wrong with the people that live here? they're honestly so invasive and weird and paranoid for the most part and I've never felt less safe, none of this shit ever happened in my previous neighborhood, never, and all the neighbors there were nice, here they're such assholes... no fucking wonder I don't want to talk to virtually anyone here, I've been harassed and crept upon and catcalled and harassed by the cops for yelling for my dog who'd run out of the house and wouldn't come back to me...

I saw what I think was the creep again today and since he was in fairly close proximity but I didn't think saw me, i ducked into an alleyway and hid until he walked past me, I thereafter ended up driving to the grocery store? with the excuse I needed to buy something, and stresssmoked for the first time in like a month. why am I such a scaredy cat bitch god I should've avoided him if he tried to approach me instead of entirely running away from him, my fear overtook me. when someone gives me the vibe that they want to wear my skin that is a vibe I take to heart and it terrifies me

Edited by poohbear
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there's this guy in my neighborhood who approached me while I was walking my dog last night and the way he spoke to me what he said and what he asked me gave me major creepy vibes...

 it occurred at 10:30pm.... he implied, seriously implied, he's watched me from his house before and now I'm really creeped out. I had never talked to him before that or even seen him looking at me. the direct admission that he'd seen me and asked me "when did you move in" comes across as someone asking too much info and I'm always, always skeptical of someone who approaches me as closely as he did, he was way too close, kept speaking to me, wouldn't back off, and my tone of voice was hasty and clearly unnerved, he would not back off. since he was a grown ass man I doubt he had any kind of excuse for his lack of awareness at my body language... my dog, who he initially approached me about, was skeptical of him herself, kept backing away when I tried to let him pet her, not to be rude to him... and that solidifies my nerve that he's a creep.

guess it's time to start carrying around pepper spray, I've been catcalled, I've had the cops called on me for chasing my dog around the neighborhood and now I've had an encounter with a presumed creep? this isn't even a bad neighborhood, so what the fuck is wrong with the people that live here? they're honestly so invasive and weird and paranoid for the most part and I've never felt less safe, none of this shit ever happened in my previous neighborhood, never, and all the neighbors there were nice, here they're such assholes... no fucking wonder I don't want to talk to virtually anyone here, I've been harassed and crept upon and catcalled and harassed by the cops for yelling for my dog who'd run out of the house and wouldn't come back to me...

I saw what I think was the creep again today and since he was in fairly close proximity but I didn't think saw me, i ducked into an alleyway and hid until he walked past me, I thereafter ended up driving to the grocery store? with the excuse I needed to buy something, and stresssmoked for the first time in like a month. why am I such a scaredy cat bitch god I should've avoided him if he tried to approach me instead of entirely running away from him, my fear overtook me. when someone gives me the vibe that they want to wear my skin that is a vibe I take to heart and it terrifies me

You should seriously consider carrying pepper spray with you, better yet, a knife or taser of some sort if you can get your hands on one. There are some tasers that aren't explicitly labeled "tasers" that are shaped like discreet things such as lipstick and mascara containers. I'm no advocate for gun violence, but if you live the United States and you're over the age of eighteen, you could always apply for a license to carry a firearm.

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You should seriously consider carrying pepper spray with you, better yet, a knife or taser of some sort if you can get your hands on one. There are some tasers that aren't explicitly labeled "tasers" that are shaped like discreet things such as lipstick and mascara containers. I'm no advocate for gun violence, but if you live the United States and you're over the age of eighteen, you could always apply for a license to carry a firearm.

 

If possible (and I understand that this may be very difficult), consider moving. Safely extracting yourself from a potentially dangerous situation should be your first priority.

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If possible (and I understand that this may be very difficult), consider moving. Safely extracting yourself from a potentially dangerous situation should be your first priority.

Of course, if they're able to do that, it would be a good option. Unfortunately, the need to defend yourself could happen quite literally anywhere.

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Of course, if they're able to do that, it would be a good option. Unfortunately, the need to defend yourself could happen quite literally anywhere.

 

yeah I don't have the money to move right now and I have a feeling that if this escalates or I get continually bothered I'm buying a defensive weapon

im bipolar so I wouldn't trust myself with a gun at all, but maybe a knife/taser/something stronger than pepper spray.

of course I am really hoping nothing further happens bc I am dealing with enough stress as is and I don't need one more added factor to fuck with me mentally 

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yeah I don't have the money to move right now and I have a feeling that if this escalates or I get continually bothered I'm buying a defensive weapon

im bipolar so I wouldn't trust myself with a gun at all, but maybe a knife/taser/something stronger than pepper spray.

of course I am really hoping nothing further happens bc I am dealing with enough stress as is and I don't need one more added factor to fuck with me mentally 

I'm hoping nothing further happens to you as well. I hope you find a good defense weapon if you end up getting one.

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Yeah, I'm ready to die. I'm so sick of this life and I feel like there's no way out but death.

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Yeah, I'm ready to die. I'm so sick of this life and I feel like there's no way out but death.

I'm in the same boat quite a bit of the time, but I wish you the best.

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Edited by Satanael
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update on creepy guy: I didn't see him tonight. 
I however did see a male figure the two days ago looming by the mailbox a couple houses down during the day, an older guy and I'm pretty sure it wasn't the older guy that lived there, since I didn't get a close glimpse it might be the same stalker. my stepdad was out moving heavy shit from his truck so I hid behind him and turned heel to take my dog walk in the direction away from the random dude.

yesterday at night when I went to go grab something from my car I saw what appeared to be a male figure lurking in the darkness as well, but after I'd shackled up in my car for a few minutes, the figure had disappeared.

i feel like im going insane and crazy bc I haven't been able to catch this on video and i feel like people are just gonna think that it's a byproduct of my mind until i have evidence i keep seeing him… i reverse engineered him into google to dox his full name in case i need to file a report against him… i doubt unless i can get really cohesive evidence if this persists that the cops will care. maybe he rustles his jimmies by scaring me, maybe it's not even sexual… maybe he's just a creep who enjoys scaring young people? idfk I feel like it's literally based on the fact that I'm a young looking female so I doubt that, I doubt sincerely that he's without creepy sexual interest, and that terrifies me even more bc one of my long standing irrational fears is being kidnapped... and i don't know what's going to happen next. nobody nobody nobody should have to fear the idea of being kidnapped/assaulted in a seemingly "safe" neighborhood? nobody!! nobody!! i only live here because i can't afford to move out yet, should that be at the cost of my safety? going to the police seems entirely risky bc ive dealt w them before cuz of the nosy neighborhood falsely reporting me for a noise complaint for searching for my then lost dog who'd run out of the house and i god damn don't doubt for a second that the cops wouldn't judge me based on that let alone see me as anything but a hYSTERICAL WOMAN for having NO pictures of this guy caught on film! I'm so angry that I can't get him on film! It's been what 5 days and I'm already trying to come up with ways to catch his ass, what a horrible way to have to live.

its horrible that i am experiencing high paranoia mentally when I recently had an episode before all this shit went down a few days ago and had someone i know commit suicide last week around the same time i had my breakdown… am i not allowed to have nice things in this life? Why do I have such bad luck? I want to cry but I've cried so much this last month that I don't think I have the investment to cry anymore.

If anyone knows ANY ways I can check to see if he's a registered sex offender or if there's any registered sex offenders near me, because this guy OFTEN comes and goes to another persons house on my street and I'd like to check if any inhabitants of these houses are offenders…I would love help, preferably without it behind a paywall. I'm not really full of money and what I'll get next paycheck I need to spend on the usual expenses + buying a knife for myself. I really need all the help I can get. I'm going to also reverse engineer dox the residents of the house he comes and goes from that ain't his so I can see who those people are. I'm not keen on the idea of paying for a whitepages report but if I have to I will in a couple paychecks if this refuses to stop. Any inkling of help with regards to a free site or app where you can find if there are creeps who live in your neighborhood will be of great assistance to me. As a last resort if my dad who I haven't told about this yet is overly concerned- I'll beg him to do a background check on this guy and pay for it while trying to convince him it's for his own daughters safety... I'm scared like irrationally scared and I don't want to be scared anymore. I've gone through too much shit losing myself mentally and losing someone I knew to suicide almost immediately after, I can't emotionally take even the idea of being stalked without it destroying and gnawing at me. Like fuck this life honestly I'm trying but it's only hurting me to live with this 

Edited by poohbear
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For most people, I'd think they had/have potential but I can't see myself as having it. Some people had it but gradually lost it over the years. I don't think I ever had any potential even when I was a baby. I don't know if it's because I'm actually depressed or if it's because I'm simply lazy. I don't have it in me to give much of a fuck about anything. I'm worthless or close enough to the edge of it so why should I pretend I matter?

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