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449 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

i feel like i have permanent trust issues now ever since the people i cared for so much fucked me over

it truly be like that sometimes

i feel miserable 

Edited by Purple
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I´m happy I don´t have any friends. It´s hard to admit that in real life 

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I can be pretty petty, vindictive, and childish at times.

Case in point this challenge my husband and I had. We've been talking to each other on the phone quite a lot during the day, since my husband is always on his feet at work he's able to talk with his headphones on and do his work. I currently don't work right now so what I do all day is walk the dog and go to the gym. He wanted to take a pause in this challenge to CALL ME (since we've been texting instead) and I said no, but then I said "call if you want" as a test to see if he'll actually call, or stand strong and go through with this challenge. He ends up calling me and I told him so you accept your defeat and he was like "you didn't say CALL IF YOU WANT" you said "you can call"... yeah you can always call me, but that means you're admitting defeat and YOU LOSE DUH... I don't have to specify that YOU SHOULDN'T CALL...  

Lol anyways this has been annoying me all day so I rope his friend/our roomie into this and his friend agreed lol and he said he's gonna text him. He texts my husband, my husband calls me and was like "really? you had to get Sam involved". YES I DID BECAUSE I WANTED TO PROVE MY POINT. Now my husband is mad, I'm a child for basking and gleeing in this glory and I kind of hate that I am this way, but I also LOVE IT.

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..

Edited by NewNameWhoDis
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I do think I have a sadistic desire while killing insects.

But its only if they don't scare the hell out of me though. Cockroaches and legless worms, go away please I beg of you for the love of Jesus Christ :alpacaheadshake:

Yes I'm a pathetic coward who can only bully the weak :'>

Edited by Yoshiki's Long Hair
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eventho i bitched about youtube being useless nowadays, i lowkey still wanna startup a channel bc i crave the escapism. but i don't want ppl i kno somehow finding me tho

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I keep thinking my life will be better if I lose weight and finally become a skinny waif. I haven't dated since I piled on the pounds because I hate how I look and when I'm fat I'm never someones first choice. I've been fat shaming myself my whole life, I know better than I still hold onto the dream that one day someday I will become skinny. 

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I keep thinking my life will be better if I lose weight and finally become a skinny waif. I haven't dated since I piled on the pounds because I hate how I look and when I'm fat I'm never someones first choice. I've been fat shaming myself my whole life, I know better than I still hold onto the dream that one day someday I will become skinny. 

please considered getting professional help with that, weather this clearly shows up in your eating and excercising behavior as an ED yet or not.

I‘ve been wasting my whole twenties because I always pushed the things I wanted back to „when I’m skinny enough“.  

It’s not worth it. I know it sounds dumb and cheesy but do the things you want now. Go out and meet people that make you happy. You deserve it.

Edited by Heartless
typo
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.

Edited by ---
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grew up in a cult where associations are limited to members of the cult only, family included.

i do not have any other family apart from those who are members because i have have been kept away from them my whole life on the basis that they are "wordly" and "satan-corrupted evil" that are bad influences people like us who are "pure" in the eyes of god must abstain from anything or anyone who could ruin this "purity". they are complete strangers to me, i don't even know them, but i know they exist out there somewhere anyway.

i really want to leave, but apart from this cult family, i have nowhere else to go because i do not know anyone and neither do i have any friends to rely on.

if i leave, the thought of living in complete isolation and loneliness seems to me worse than the idea of remaining with my family even i truly do not have any future with them.

so to this day, i stay here because i do not want to be alone, a stranger to everyone in the world - no family, no friends, just a single human being with no connections. that's terrifying.

Edited by Caeleigh
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Probably a terrible person for this, but I keep going back to this old crappy friend out of loneliness. If I had someone else who equally cared about me/my well being like I do for them, and they actually had something other than art in common with me, I wouldn't bat an eye if I dropped said friend again. I pretended to be in the wrong and lied about why I left so they'd "forgive" me for dropping them for the second time. But honestly, all they ever did during our friendship was come to me with their problems, and then ignore me for weeks/months after ranting, ignore my advice, gloat about their art, and just make me feel like crap. Might subtly cut them off for good this time. It just sucks being alone in my own head 24/7, and not being able to make genuine friends online or in real life. 

 

I was in the exact same position. I hope things are better for you soon. Just know that there are sincere, kind, and empathetic people out there also looking for friendship.

If someone is using you to be their own warped mirror, then there is no point in having any relationship with them because they will not allow you to have your own personality (in their perspective) for the sake of keeping all the attention on themselves.

Edited by N2
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I feel heavily judged every time a topic turns onto snowflakes for being too passionate about idols. Yes, I go to a couple of "the same concerts". Yes, I fly to Japan for that. I buy all the CDs and merch. So I'm pretty sure that I'm worse than a lot of the snowflakes and then I never know what to do. Because this is what I'm honestly enjoying.

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I don't know if I should put this here or the talk thread but:

I've really been thinking it would probably be best if I left this site and all other gossip sites i frequent. To be honest I feel like I just come here only because I'm used to doing it.. Like even fucking Berry has stepped away from the internet when she used to be a full blown NEET. The fact that I basically grew up on the internet and spend most of my days on it is depressing. I mean don't get me wrong I do have a job, I do have friends etc but maybe I should... not be on here as much. My bf said something about this recently and I actually somewhat agree with him. Maybe I'm always so anxious because I'm on the internet too much and everything that isn't like this makes me terrified. It's easier to say "Well I was nervous doing this!" on the internet 'cause everyone will be like "Oh its okay! Me too!" I feel like it's not healthy for uh... me to get validation for my short comings like I do. I feel like I could write all the time and know words and shit. But now I feel like I'm so used to 'internet slangs' and 'internet language' that it's actually quite hard for me to talk.. correctly? But that could very well be because I also text and shit lol so. Idk I procrastinate a lot as it is and the internet isn't making it any better. I don't want to leave the internet completely... I still would like to write fanfics and be apart of fandoms like I've been getting into recently.. I just... Maybe I don't need sites like PULL or Lolcow anymore. They were nice. I had a nice ride on both of these sites but maybe... I should stop? The people I originally got on these sites for aren't even doing much of anything anymore. Like I said previously, Berry has grown up and she even stopped doing the stupid shit she used to do. She's still photoshopping and lying but it's not as cringey as it used to be. Ah I don't know. These sites bore me now I think and I don't want to be like 30 still on sites like this. Sometimes when some anons say their age on lolcow I'm like "?? Why are you still on here! Are you not ashamed?" Some have families... careers... why are you on lolcow.. Of course everyone likes tea I guess... but it comes a point where... you just got to stop I guess? I never cared much for imageboards other than lolcow obviously. I mean I go on crystal.cafe too it's a nice place and the boards don't move as fast. Maybe I should just stick there? I know the boards are slow so I won't be tempted to check as often as I do lolcow (which isn't as much anymore honestly) and it seems more positive. Gossiping is banned there and it's just a nice little place for girls, where if need be I could vent there or look at cute pictures. Maybe that's all the internet I need. I don't know where I'm going with this at this point. All I know is I should really limit my internet usage and focus more on reality and my writing. I'm having such a hard time at writing and that has never happened before. I'm most likely still going to lurk and maybe comment here and there but I'm not really sure.

Image result for see you when i see you gif

 

 

You're leaving me???? And I'm just seeing this right now???? NOO

tenor_(1).thumb.gif.8cf64d07530bf0e3947a

plz dm when you get a chance. Take care.

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Edited by ---
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Im depressed. I have no clue how to get help. I dont even think I can afford  it if I wanted to. Ive always been bad with direction in life. And I dont want someone to hold my hand, and I actually have too much pride sometimes, which is why I get no where. I was told no questions are stupid, but I cant even think of questions to ask. I feel sometimes I have a low functioning brain. I know Im depressed, although not diagnosed. And I have a lot of anxiety as well. I just have zero energy, zero motivation. Havent felt pleasure in things in years. I feel at such a disconnect to reality. I love life, but lately have felt it to be a blur. I want connections to people, but I dont know how any more. I cant do anything, and I do nothing all day and feel I cant make myself interesting enough for others to care .. I feel my day is work, clean, sleep. I feel nothing a lot. Thats a general statement. I have a burst of happiness. I can enjoy a nice latte. I can see beauty in the world. But just dont feel like it is real .i want therapy but i dont know how. And antidepressants have scared me .but at this point id consider it too . Im not suicidal. I have little pain tolerance, and the state i am in is different than six months ago when I know 100% that I wanted to die. Now, I just feel scared. I want to experience joy again and i dont know if i will ever feel joy again wheb picking up a paint brush, or playing a video game, reading a book, listening to music. 

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