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    • Clarifying How To Use the Report Feature   06/29/20

      Hello. I have noticed a great deal of confusion regarding how to use the report feature and what is expected regarding reports, so I am making a clarification announcement to users who may be unfamiliar with how the report feature works. Please note we have this rule regarding reports: 16.  Do report. Do not make frivolous reports (such as "I don't like this person"). Frivolous reports will result in a warning and possible ban. a. When reporting, please give a reason. Reports citing what rule the post is breaking and giving some information are way more valuable and will get the issue resolved faster. (Reports with no explanations sometimes require mods to go through and skim the entire thread to find out what's going on. Please save us time if you can). b. Don’t waste the mods’ time. Report people for breaking the rules, otherwise don’t report. [Rules in their entirety can be found here.] We also have a wonderful tutorial on how to use the report feature created by one of our former moderators which you can find here. In essence, we enforce the rules as they are written. In a rare occasion there may not be a direct violation but the user is still conducting themselves inappropriately and how we handle that is up to the moderators discretion. We do our best. We also encourage you to use the report feature to report posts that have been edited down to nothing or if you double posted and would like your double post hidden. Also, please note that we do not provide updates on reports. We get far too many to be able to keep up with every one. You are welcome to message a moderator to ask about your report, but please know that we cannot and will not divulge any information on whether we banned the user you are reporting. Simply that we have taken appropriate action. I hope this helps provide further clarification on how to use the report feature. Should you have any questions not clear in these instructions, please feel free to message me or Nyx. Thank you. *Please allow up to 3 business days (as we tend to be slower on weekends) for a response and for reports to be cleared.

111 posts in this topic

Posted

I have been putting off giving my thoughts on this person because I didn't know exactly how to word what I was saying without sounding like a big bad cisgender, but as I read through the forum again and again I think I have finally found a respectful way to address the issue of this person's gender. 

At this point I believe they need to take an inventory on who they are as a person and why they insist they are of the male gender. Depending on how they truly feel, this inventory on self can go one of four ways:

- Are they saying they are born male on every post they made because they fear how people would react if they told the world they were ftm? If so, I understand where the fear comes from (as being transgender is dangerous in this hateful society) but they shouldn't be ashamed in being transgender if they truly have the gender dyphoria that goes along with being transgender. There are people out there who will support them if they are a trans male, and those who will stop questioning if they were to just say they want to make that transition from female to male. If they just own up that they are trans male and that they want a male body, then there will be people willing to help their transition and people ready to give tips on how to make that transition more smooth. Own up to being trans! We are all ready to support. 

- If this is some kind anime based drag persona, own up to it too! People love crossplay and drag kings,  so there is no shame in admitting this is a character either. In both mediums of drag and crossplay there is a suspension of disbelief in the persona, that being that this persona is a whole seperate being who is different from the person playing the part. Have fun with your character and by admitting it's a character no one will see you any less as a "real life yaoi anime male" than they do now. 

- If they seriously feel that by saying they are born male that they are one step closer to magically transforming into a walking 2D yaoi character...then stepping back and taking up another interest besides anime may be a good idea as anime is having an unhealthy influence on their life. Say goodbye to this persona and find something else to do. Play a sport! Write a story! Draw! Do theater! Learn to cook! Take a weird class in college! Get into science! Read a book! Do math! Learn about history! They just need to do something to get out of this delusional state because no matter how you present your gender as you will never become anime. I'm sorry, it's the sad sad truth. You can self-insert all you want but believe me when I say making a self-insert character is still not enough to make you anime. I tried and failed multiple times.

- If they are unsure of how they feel, then it's time for them to just get off the internet take some time to exploring themselves. They can take as long as they wish but it's best to just drop the "BORN MALE" thing until they know why they are doing it. And when they do know why, they can then either edit it or drop it depending on what they feel. 

 

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^^Very very well said!

also is this person still around or did they get busted for not being biologically male?

Edited by CrownJewel
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~~~ Just a disclaimer, I’ll probably mess up all the pronouns because because I knew he/she/it as a boy for maybe over a year as a boy, but after seeing all the evidence my brain hurts.~~~

 

Hey everyone, I’ve really wanted to comment on this thread for a while now. I guess you can say I was one of those very VERY gullible people who at one point was very close to Zander. When I met Zander I was not in a good head space at all. I was extremely depressed, alone, and pretty much desperate for human contact in general. I stayed inside for so long I got super pale and got bedsores. So you can imagine why it was probably easy for he/she/it kept me around.

 

We were very close and spoke to each other everyday for hours, sometimes even all day. We were best friends. I feel kind of like when he found me, he deconstructed me and recreated me in his own image and tried to make me look like a little yaoi boy thing like him. Now I’m a guy and kind of look androgynous. But I was even girlier when we were in contact. I had makeup on everyday and wore it thick and heavy, trying to look like him.

 

Now the main reason we don’t talk anymore (and haven’t in years) is because he became a bigger problem than my real-life problems. He would be in bad relationship after the other  and constantly try to impress said shitty boyfriend no.23482764237648723642. Eventually I reached a point where I told him that I didn’t want to hear about it anymore because he’d always come crying to me for advice and then never listen, and it was always like this.

 

Zander is by no means Japanese but German. In fact, he got so comfortable around me we skyped all the time. I’ve heard his real voice, seen him without makeup (sort of?). She looks nothing like her pictures. She just looks like a really short chick with pounds of makeup on her face. I remember one time her hair needed to by dyed so badly because her blonde roots were showing (she actually lifted up her hair and showed me). All of my siblings are mixed and so am I. I have two brothers who are actually white and Japanese and two other siblings who are half white and Thai. I have never seen any mixed person with hair as blonde as his/hers/whatever's (it was REALLY fucking blonde) unless they already had some minutia of white in them already. I was probably  so desperate to have a friend that I’d never questioned her on it.

 

Next, Zander lied about a lot of stuff. When I told her to stop running to me to cry about shitty boyfriend number fifty billion, she made up a story about some visual kei guy taking advantage of her and sticking his thumb up her butt only to find out that she/he/it was a virgin... Because it was too tight or something?... Then did this weird love triangle thing that involved her dad and mum trying to get her to date the visual kei guy who also had rich parents. I’m probably not explaining it very well, but at the time it just sounded like the plot of a really cheesy anime to me.

 

She’d also lead me and a lot of other guys on. We did go through a long period of altercations because of this. In the end we resolved it and I kind of just stayed in the friend zone thing. But I noticed that there were a lot of times she’d say things about just “rubbing off a big one,” or one time she was flirting with me and when I called it out she made it into a HUGE deal, calling herself a whore and whatnot because I just said “that sounds a bit flirty.”

 

Zander also did do a lot of weird stuff like constantly whine and complain about things that people not seeing him as masculine. But they were also extremely insecure. He’d constantly complain about not looking masculine enough and would complain about not being as good-looking as they wanted to be. I do genuinely believe that there’s some kind of dysphoria going on with them. And if she wants to be a boy, all the more power to her.

 

There may have been a lot of fake cookie stuff going on with her, but I don’t thin she faked our friendship. She trusted me because I was probably the most gullible out of all her friends. Allowed me to get so close to her that we Skyped almost everyday or got on tiny chat and spoke on the phone with me. I do feel bad about writing this, but I had to let it all out after three years of not talking to her. When I stopped chatting with her she asked some of my friends from VF where I was or why did I stop talking to her.

 

I get it, people wanna point fingers and make fun of her. But in all honesty, I hope she just gets the help she needs. Because she has A LOT of issues. She isn’t well and has a horrible self esteem. I don’t know what her real life is like aside from her being a drunk, having bad credit and no money she needs help. I just figured that I wasn’t the one to help her when I needed to help myself first. (Also, she lies about her age. The bitch is probably in her mid to late 20’s.) Now this may sound like I have a lot of animosity towards her, but I don't. I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just feel like I was lied to. 

Edited by CurlyBangs
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~~~ Just a disclaimer, I’ll probably mess up all the pronouns because because I knew he/she/it as a boy for maybe over a year as a boy, but after seeing all the evidence my brain hurts.~~~

 

Hey everyone, I’ve really wanted to comment on this thread for a while now. I guess you can say I was one of those very VERY gullible people who at one point was very close to Zander. When I met Zander I was not in a good head space at all. I was extremely depressed, alone, and pretty much desperate for human contact in general. I stayed inside for so long I got super pale and got bedsores. So you can imagine why it was probably easy for he/she/it kept me around.

 

We were very close and spoke to each other everyday for hours, sometimes even all day. We were best friends. I feel kind of like when he found me, he deconstructed me and recreated me in his own image and tried to make me look like a little yaoi boy thing like him. Now I’m a guy and kind of look androgynous. But I was even girlier when we were in contact. I had makeup on everyday and wore it thick and heavy, trying to look like him.

 

Now the main reason we don’t talk anymore (and haven’t in years) is because he became a bigger problem than my real-life problems. He would be in bad relationship after the other  and constantly try to impress said shitty boyfriend no.23482764237648723642. Eventually I reached a point where I told him that I didn’t want to hear about it anymore because he’d always come crying to me for advice and then never listen, and it was always like this.

 

Zander is by no means Japanese but German. In fact, he got so comfortable around me we skyped all the time. I’ve heard his real voice, seen him without makeup (sort of?). She looks nothing like her pictures. She just looks like a really short chick with pounds of makeup on her face. I remember one time her hair needed to by dyed so badly because her blonde roots were showing (she actually lifted up her hair and showed me). All of my siblings are mixed and so am I. I have two brothers who are actually white and Japanese and two other siblings who are half white and Thai. I have never seen any mixed person with hair as blonde as his/hers/whatever's (it was REALLY fucking blonde) unless they already had some minutia of white in them already. I was probably  so desperate to have a friend that I’d never questioned her on it.

 

Next, Zander lied about a lot of stuff. When I told her to stop running to me to cry about shitty boyfriend number fifty billion, she made up a story about some visual kei guy taking advantage of her and sticking his thumb up her butt only to find out that she/he/it was a virgin... Because it was too tight or something?... Then did this weird love triangle thing that involved her dad and mum trying to get her to date the visual kei guy who also had rich parents. I’m probably not explaining it very well, but at the time it just sounded like the plot of a really cheesy anime to me.

 

She’d also lead me and a lot of other guys on. We did go through a long period of altercations because of this. In the end we resolved it and I kind of just stayed in the friend zone thing. But I noticed that there were a lot of times she’d say things about just “rubbing off a big one,” or one time she was flirting with me and when I called it out she made it into a HUGE deal, calling herself a whore and whatnot because I just said “that sounds a bit flirty.”

 

Zander also did do a lot of weird stuff like constantly whine and complain about things that people not seeing him as masculine. But they were also extremely insecure. He’d constantly complain about not looking masculine enough and would complain about not being as good-looking as they wanted to be. I do genuinely believe that there’s some kind of dysphoria going on with them. And if she wants to be a boy, all the more power to her.

 

There may have been a lot of fake cookie stuff going on with her, but I don’t thin she faked our friendship. She trusted me because I was probably the most gullible out of all her friends. Allowed me to get so close to her that we Skyped almost everyday or got on tiny chat and spoke on the phone with me. I do feel bad about writing this, but I had to let it all out after three years of not talking to her. When I stopped chatting with her she asked some of my friends from VF where I was or why did I stop talking to her.

 

I get it, people wanna point fingers and make fun of her. But in all honesty, I hope she just gets the help she needs. Because she has A LOT of issues. She isn’t well and has a horrible self esteem. I don’t know what her real life is like aside from her being a drunk, having bad credit and no money she needs help. I just figured that I wasn’t the one to help her when I needed to help myself first. (Also, she lies about her age. The bitch is probably in her mid to late 20’s.) Now this may sound like I have a lot of animosity towards her, but I don't. I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just feel like I was lied to. 

 

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Edited by CurlyBangs
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Sorry for the late reply. I have actually been thinking about Zander quite a bit lately (and the awful grammar in my first post). I felt as if I was lied to and manipulated to support this unrealistic fantasy. Zander called me his best friend on many occasions when in reality, he/she/it was a predator. He would seek people who were vulnerable emotionally and manipulate them to constantly shower her down with complements. I remember my self esteem went from bad to nonexistent when we were friends. Zander would insult him/herself to get a compliment out of you and then encourage you to basically insult yourself. Zander expected constant praise and constant attention. If you didn't she would find some way to make you feel horrible about yourself. Zander lead several guys on, and make them think that they would be "lucky" enough to get into a relationship with him. But in reality it was all a lie. She would keep these guys to stroke her vanity and run to them whenever relationship #75 trillion was going down the shitter. If you think Zander was an ugly person by how she used people, the men she kept as boyfriends were even worse. When we first met, I went into tinychat with him and her half Japanese boyfriend at the time (I think he was also a fakeboi), Yoka. Odd thing was that both of their microphones were cut off. Yoka at first seemed chill. I thought he was cool because he laughed at all of my jokes. But the more I got to know Zander, the more I saw the ugly side of Yoka. Yoka was incredibly abusive, making Zander not talk to any of his male friends and at one point making him delete all social media. Yoka demanded to be put first before anything in the world. When Yoka saw how close I was to Zander, he absolutely despised me. They met on a website called Scenekids or something. Yoka was actually using someone else's pictures, pretending to be that person. When they got into a relationship, Yoka eventually revealed that he was lying and pretending to be someone else, but Zander still stayed with him. 

Months later, Yoka pretty much vanished and then came back saying that his name was Skylar and that Yoka was fake. Zander didn't believe him because we had all video chatted on tinychat and Skype before. Then Yoka/Skylar lied, saying that it's possible the "fake" was using video clips of him. Eventually, Skylar/Yoka admitted that he was lying and it turned out that he wasn't even half Japanese and his name wasn't Skylar or Yoka. His name was Brandon (or so he said). Zander still stayed with him (fakebois love other fakebois maybe?). The entire time this had happened, Zander would always run to me and complain. I would tell him to leave this Yoka person, but he never did. It was almost all he would ever talk about. I couldn't even talk about my problems that much. Whenever he complained about Yoka, he expected a long paragraph from me about how he's special and deserves better, if not then he would have a fit. I couldn't even talk to him about my problems. The most I would get if I did was a ":(" from him, then he'd go right back to bitching about Yoka. Eventually I told him that I didn't want to hear it anymore and distance myself from him, then he would come up with lies to make me pay attention to him. This also wasn't just about Yoka, he would bitch to me about whoever he was in a relationship with. I already talked about how he came up with the lie about some Japanese guy who stuck his thumb up Zander's butt. But the biggest one was when he lied about having brain cancer. This was one big fat lie to get me and his boyfriend to pay attention to him. He went so far in this lie that he even cut some of his hair off (he didn't shave his head, he just cut his hair into a bob with a fringe). He hated the haircut, but that was the length he went to prove his lie and get attention.

I've seen the back of his head at this time. If he really had surgery, the surgeons would've cut way more hair off. Chemo would've probably made the rest fall out. Then he came up with another lie about his surgeon falling in love with him and then taking him to Italy where he "lost his virginity." I don't know why I never put two and two together and didn't think that he was actually in Europe. Zander had said he was originally born in Munich, Germany. From there he moved to Canada and learned French (though when a French guy spoke French to him on tinychat, he lied and said he could speak French, but he couldn't write in it. Mind you, his microphone was always muted), then to South Africa where his dad was supposedly a politician. I remember Zander having a great disdain for his "homophobic father." He claimed his dad was abusive, but in actuality I think he hated his dad because he didn't like this delusional fantasy his daughter was trying to live. He claimed to live with two hot South African white guys, who were also gay and dating each other. One was named Adam, and I don't remember the other one. They basically babied him like he was an uke from some yaoi anime. The whole story surrounding them just sounded like the plot to some cheesy yaoi love anime. For those of you saying Zander is Swedish, I hate to inform you that he isn't. He claimed his dad was Swedish and that he didn't speak of word of Swedish. Zander is German. He supposedly moved to Canada when he was 5 and grew up there, but that is also bogus. Zander had the thickest German accent. I remember the first time I heard his real voice over the phone and him saying "I kent TOK, my vice is zore!" He sent me a picture from Italy he claimed the "sexi doctor" had paid for him, Adam and Adam's boyfriend to go on vacation. But if I'm right (which I kinda know I am), he just went to Italy by train from Germany and took a picture of himself in the windows of Italian business with posters on them to "prove" the lie about this "sexi doctor."

Going back over these posts again, I can definately say that Zander lied about his age. When we met in January of 2014 on Vampire, he was 18 and turned 19 after two months. I've seen some of your screenshots of him saying he's been on VF for 3 or 5 years and changing his age back to 18 in 2015 and 2016. The story doesn't add up. I guess he went back to lying once his "favorite toy" to manipulate stopped talking to him. Zander didn't give a shit about any of his friends. There were others like me who cut him out of their lives because of how toxic he was and Zander didn't care at all. Whenever I asked about one, he'd just casually shrug it off or say something ugly about them. He initializes himself and has all of his friends stroke the ego of that thing (the persona) he created. Zander is also an alcoholic, and often mixed prescription pills with alcohol. But there's probably an element of that that is exaggerated. A few days after his "brain surgery," he said that he was high on morphine that the hospital gave him and that he was on the floor saying that he didn't want to live anymore. So the doctors put him on... Antidepressants... After he was just being high on morphine... Either way, Zander told me he would take antidepressants with alcohol because it made him feel like he was floating. But that might have also been a lie to get my attention and keep me from leaving. He lied about going to the hospital because of injuries just to get my attention also. By now you all can see how incredibly gullible I was. Looking back at it, I remember feeling sorry for him even after I found all of this out. But now I feel used. I was just a tool used to support a delusion. I was so emotionally unstable, and Zander knew it and manipulated me. He preyed on me, and made me feel like crap to make him feel better about himself. He played so many psychological games with me that after all of this, I still thought he was a victim. Long story short, he's batshit crazy. 

I wanna finish this post by addressing some younger people who are reading this. Be careful who you talk to on the internet. Granted, my story may be dwarfed by people who've gotten raped because of the internet or whatever but there are people on the internet who will try to abuse you in other ways. People can be toxic, and Zander was like gangrene. He was miserable in a deep hole and wanted to drag me down with him. Do not end up like I did five years ago. Be skeptical of people on the internet. Because one instance of taking people at face value can probably cook a great recipe of disaster. 

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