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Roommate issues (possible drug/child abuse?)

2 posts in this topic


I'm honestly a bit desperate right now. I have nowhere else to turn to guarantee anonymity with this issue, so I've come to PULL humbled and honestly stressed out of my mind.

I have a roommate. She's 21. She has a baby who's a few months old. She and all my other roommates are drunks and potheads. 

When she was pregnant I had hopes her baby would change her selfish and irresponsible ways, she actually was a very enjoyable person when she was sober. But once the baby was born, she gave up breastfeeding no less than a week in because she wanted to drink and smoke weed again.

And she doesn't. stop. For nothing. Not even her baby.

Incidents thus far:

using a vape pen while the baby is in the room

smoking weed while the baby is in the car (had the windows rolled down but that has been proven to still effect those in the backseat, on top of it being illegal to even do with cigarettes in my state)

getting wasted and leaving the baby with other drunk roommates who can barely walk.

once while a wasted AND high (mixing. lovely) roommate was stuck watching the baby, she passed out slept through the baby was crying all night until i finally put my studies aside to go take the baby (i'm the only person who doesn't drink/do drugs, I'm often the designated driver but I'm a fucking college student too and I can't be a babysitter all the time)

smoking weed while the baby is in the room (window was open but.... do I need to explain how fucked how stupid this is)

i have very many issues. issue number one being the baby's safety. the baby's father is in the picture, and I once thought he was responsible as he used to make it very clear he didn't want the mom doing this shit,  but he seems to have given up trying to convince her. issue number two is she's putting me at risk. I'm in a college program that involves background checks. If someone snitches on the mother (it's happened in the past because she makes lots of enemies), and I get involved I don't know what that will do for my record. I don't smoke pot, so I know I can't get in trouble for that. But just being arrested alone makes me afraid of what my school will do. 

I'm so stressed over this. On top of getting little sleep due to studies, I lay awake at night listening to hear if the baby is awake. Sometimes when she's crying I hear all the arguing over it, and I'm afraid one of them will lose patience. I'm freaking the fuck out. I thought about moving out, but isn't running away just as bad? Isn't saying nothing just as bad?

Should I contact authorities? What's the process there? If she's not in possession of drugs (at the time) will they just let her go? ideally I would like her to be on probation with social services at least watching the kid. But I don't know what happens for real in these situations. Am I over exagerrating???? What do I do...?

To add to this, I have spoken to the mom many times. She shows zero remorse and laughs me off, treating me like I'm exaggerating. 

I feel like I'm being gaslit. Everyone in the house treats me like I'm exaggerating and that I only think this because I'm "staight edge" 


Well, PULL... Am I? I'm this close to calling authorities and it's to the point I'm more concerned about the baby than my own reputation.


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You are being gaslit, unfortunately. No instance of child neglect is "not that bad." If you can do so safely, you should absolutely contact authorities. It doesn't necessarily matter if you have "evidence" (although it would be helpful to have some, photo or video, etc.) as any claims of drug use or child abuse/neglect can be investigated in a wellness check, and police won't alert the resident of a wellness check so they likelihood of them catching the person in the act is higher. If these occurrences happens at specific times (for example, you hear this happening mainly from 6 pm to 8 pm or so) you could tell the authorities that and they're likely to do the wellness check around that time. If the authorities arrive and find no evidence of a crime committed, they'll just go back to their work and it won't count against you in any way for calling. Police also have to keep records of every single wellness check they do on a residence, even if nothing of importance is found, so if someone else besides you happens to call authorities for another wellness check on the same woman they will likely realize something is happening. (I'm saying all of this assuming you live in the United States or in a country with similar protective measures, but do correct me if you can't do these things where you live.)


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