• Announcements

    • Site Maintenance   05/14/19

      Hi all, We're currently working on anti-spam measures, you might see some outages. Please don't panic! We should be back to normal by tomorrow. 

Any advice on dealing with a Stalker-ish ex?


26 posts in this topic

Posted

I started dating this really nice guy and it's been a little more than a month. I met him at my work since he was a regular customer and we clicked really well. I added him on my typical socials (Snapchat, Instagram, etc) then out of nowhere this girl added me and messaged me. 

She seemed fine and just said hi and wondered how I knew this guy I'm seeing. So I answer her questions but they start getting kind of specific and personal, to the point it's creepy (when I'm planning to see him, how long we've been seeing each other, what time I'm trying to see him, where i work/go to school etc) I start answering vaguely or lying all together. 

I ended up showing him screenshots and asked who this girl was. He explained to me that she's his ex they broke up 2 months ago and she didn't take it well and has been stalking his social media and causing drama with his friend group ever since.

I really like this guy and he means a lot to me. I don't wanna dump him bc of this. Every time it's happened he confronts her and tells her to fuck off. But it's been a month and this girl has been making dummy accounts both on Instagram and on Snapchat to send me harassing messages and stalk my stories. 

I've blocked her every time but then after a while she pops up again (all her main accounts usually have 'jen' in it) and recently we both found out she's been getting her friends to join in on stalking and harassing. I'm not really sure what to do at this point.

Screenshot_20190203-234738.png

Screenshot_20190227-180350.png

Screenshot_20190203-232204.png

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

this is going to sound really bad but... I had a childhood friend with whom I occasionally keep in touch do the same thing to her ex.  The guy just threatened her with legal action and she stopped.  Maybe ask your boyfriend to do the same?  It could scare her enough to stop doing it.

3

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

this is going to sound really bad but... I had a childhood friend with whom I occasionally keep in touch do the same thing to her ex.  The guy just threatened her with legal action and she stopped.  Maybe ask your boyfriend to do the same?  It could scare her enough to stop doing it.

 

Im not sure if she'll take him seriously. He told her if he find out she's been harassing me w/ messages or she's been stalking him, he's gonna call the police. That was after the 3rd time she harassed me on insta and she said as long as she actually doesn't physically hurt me or show up somewhere the police won't do anything. I really dont want it to get to that point idk his ex at all or what she's capable of. And I don't really know the law too well if I can report her for online harassment/stalking

1

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

Im not sure if she'll take him seriously. He told her if he find out she's been harassing me w/ messages or she's been stalking him, he's gonna call the police. That was after the 3rd time she harassed me on insta and she said as long as she actually doesn't physically hurt me or show up somewhere the police won't do anything. I really dont want it to get to that point idk his ex at all or what she's capable of. And I don't really know the law too well if I can report her for online harassment/stalking

 

that's so sad to hear.  my friend backed down immediately after he mentioned getting a restraining order.  If she doesn't take it seriously then that makes her even more dangerous.  Can you make your account private and not accept any weird requests?  Also maybe just stop responding to her so she sees that you are indifferent and it doesn't bother you.  Other than that I have no clue what to say... social media is such a scary place

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

Tell her to bugger off or you'll report her to the cops.

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

I think she is trying to get his attention and close to him through you.

First, ask your boyfriend her full name and Google her up. Look her name up in justice websites so you can see if she has any charges for stalking or even robbing, killing attemps, hacking, etc. You may give all this information to the cops.

Second, check her LinkedIn (logged off), Facebook, University info, just in case.

Third, if things are really bad, you may have to say goodbye to your current social media accounts. If blocking doesn't help and setting to private doesn't work, creating new private accounts should keep her away from you.

Fourth, don't make her an issue in your relationship, but ask your boyfriend is he is being stalked too.

Fifth, I endorse Gogeta's reply: consider telling her to bugger off. Actually, get all the information you can about her and then tell her the next message she sends your OR your boyfriend, the next suspicious account to follow you OR your boyfriend, the next friend of hers following you OR  your boyfriend and you will talk to the cops.

3

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

Honestly you should get the cops involved because if she harassing you and even your friends at this point. even after blocking them its time for some kind of legal action to be had.

3

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

I think she is trying to get his attention and close to him through you.

First, ask your boyfriend her full name and Google her up. Look her name up in justice websites so you can see if she has any charges for stalking or even robbing, killing attemps, hacking, etc. You may give all this information to the cops.

Second, check her LinkedIn (logged off), Facebook, University info, just in case.

Third, if things are really bad, you may have to say goodbye to your current social media accounts. If blocking doesn't help and setting to private doesn't work, creating new private accounts should keep her away from you.

Fourth, don't make her an issue in your relationship, but ask your boyfriend is he is being stalked too.

Fifth, I endorse Gogeta's reply: consider telling her to bugger off. Actually, get all the information you can about her and then tell her the next message she sends your OR your boyfriend, the next suspicious account to follow you OR your boyfriend, the next friend of hers following you OR  your boyfriend and you will talk to the cops.

 

Thank you for all the advice! I made a new instagram account and my boyfriend had deleted his Insta entirely (bc her friends and her tracked him and his other friends through there) he explained to me that she had been calling him nonstop, and would make up rumors like saying she saw I was having dinner with another guy (when I was with a study group getting dinner). I'm not really sure what she wants besides obviously him, and I get now I shouldn't make it a problem of our relationship, but just a problem in general. I can only speculate maybe this girl thought I stole her from him and thats why she's vindictive (but they had broken up several months ago and we only started dating in January)

I've been trying to avoid responding to any messages because I'm not sure what she's capable of. My boyfriend did tell me that if she did that to me again he was gonna call the cops so there's some relief there

Honestly you should get the cops involved because if she harassing you and even your friends at this point. even after blocking them its time for some kind of legal action to be had.

 

I'm not too familiar with law but I asked some people and they said the most police can do is a restraining order and that's it since she hasn't done anything like physically show up at our door or hurt either of us. The last incident was two days ago and so far no sign of her showing up on any remade accounts. Ty btw I really appreciate all the advice I've been receiving.

1

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

UPDATE:

he ended up breaking things off because of everything she was doing. He blamed himself and said he didn't wanna drag me into this and that I'd be safer if we didn't date anymore. She remade accounts and searched for my new ones and she found out where I work through her friends who went to the cafe I worked at and recognized me. I'm so heartbroken I wanted this to work.

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

UPDATE:

he ended up breaking things off because of everything she was doing. He blamed himself and said he didn't wanna drag me into this and that I'd be safer if we didn't date anymore. She remade accounts and searched for my new ones and she found out where I work through her friends who went to the cafe I worked at and recognized me. I'm so heartbroken I wanted this to work.

 

For what it’s worth i’m sorry that happened, it’s not fair and what that girl did was selfish and creepy

3

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

UPDATE:

he ended up breaking things off because of everything she was doing. He blamed himself and said he didn't wanna drag me into this and that I'd be safer if we didn't date anymore. She remade accounts and searched for my new ones and she found out where I work through her friends who went to the cafe I worked at and recognized me. I'm so heartbroken I wanted this to work.

I'm so sorry it ended up like this. If I could stalk her back and make her feel scared and miserable, I would. It's so unfair she is just one little spoiled girl who has a bit much of power over people. Who is she? Expose her here!!! I'm so mad.

It's pretty disapointing he ended things up instead of fighting her. He will never get rid of her that way...

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

I'm so sorry it ended up like this. If I could stalk her back and make her feel scared and miserable, I would. It's so unfair she is just one little spoiled girl who has a bit much of power over people. Who is she? Expose her here!!! I'm so mad.

It's pretty disapointing he ended things up instead of fighting her. He will never get rid of her that way...

 

Thanks. The last few days have been shit and I'm barely keeping things together. I'm still pretty new on PULL so I'm not familiar with all the rules but I don't think I could post everything abt her on PULL bc she's not a famous personality?

Part of me wants to confront her (not physically fight let me clarify that). I never wanted any of this to happen but she dragged me into it for being an obsessive stalker/harasser as well as being toxic to my partner, it doesn't feel fair either of us to be going through all her shit and end up with my relationship ending. But I don't know if it's a good idea or not to confront her

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

Thanks. The last few days have been shit and I'm barely keeping things together. I'm still pretty new on PULL so I'm not familiar with all the rules but I don't think I could post everything abt her on PULL bc she's not a famous personality?

Part of me wants to confront her (not physically fight let me clarify that). I never wanted any of this to happen but she dragged me into it for being an obsessive stalker/harasser as well as being toxic to my partner, it doesn't feel fair either of us to be going through all her shit and end up with my relationship ending. But I don't know if it's a good idea or not to confront her

 

Don't because even though you may not want to fight she might or worst 

 

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

Don't because even though you may not want to fight she might or worst 

 

 

As much as I don't condone violence unless it is absolutely necessary for self-defense, I'm not really scared of her but I'm prepared if she does. A lot of what she's been doing is not only obsessive/stalker-like, but it's also very immature of her like this isn't high school anymore.  she's 25 and I'm 21. You can't harass and stalk people on social media, pick fights, and think there's no consequences. I wanna settle things like an actual adult and if she gets physical I think I can handle it. 

0

Share this post


Link to post

Posted

I think it's natural to feel like beating the hell up this girl. But it's not the ideal solution. And we don't really know how dangerous she actually can be - kinda worries me how manipulative she is.

One way to go would be avoiding contacting him and checking his social media. And talk to someone close, get that out of your chest. It might take a bit of time, but your heart will start hurting less soon. ♥

0

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now