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bestdressed/ ashley

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Posted (edited)

hope this is okay to post in addition to that, but here's a reddit thread on r/femalefashionadvice for further takes. what i don't understand is that people are saying that sustainability has never been a main focus on her channel?? there are people defending her and acting like they need to protect this baby, but there seems to be some resonance in that she is no longer relatable or transparent in her ethics.

https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/dwrnjx/thoughts_on_this_article_about_ashley_bestdressed/

 

edit: also, damon of damonandjo just posted a chatty conversation with ashley on his channel when she was in paris. haven't watched myself but this will be interesting lol. i think the last time she wasn't able to control how she appeared (looks, actions, dialogue) was since haley pham's awkward collab video. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5qDktQQnCU&t=10s

 

 

Edited by champagneglass
can't hyperlink/post vids for some reason /-:
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hope this is okay to post in addition to that, but here's a reddit thread on r/femalefashionadvice for further takes. what i don't understand is that people are saying that sustainability has never been a main focus on her channel?? there are people defending her and acting like they need to protect this baby, but there seems to be some resonance in that she is no longer relatable or transparent in her ethics.

https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/dwrnjx/thoughts_on_this_article_about_ashley_bestdressed/

 

edit: also, damon of damonandjo just posted a chatty conversation with ashley on his channel when she was in paris. haven't watched myself but this will be interesting lol. i think the last time she wasn't able to control how she appeared (looks, actions, dialogue) was since haley pham's awkward collab video. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5qDktQQnCU&t=10s

 

 

 

Cognitive dissonance is too real with her audience... her channel is literally built on sustainability. She has said that she is "passionate about sustainability" and that she didn't plan to become a "sustainability hero" as if she was ever one to begin with. The only brand she has ever showed in her channel is Reformation. Despite having a closet full of thousands of dollars worth of fast fashion, she never once did a haul of that.  Only reformation and thrift hauls. Yes, she showed a lot of her outfits on her instagram but she always made sure to name the brands rarely and mostly on instagram stories that not every single subscriber or follower will watch. Thinking about it now, she was very sneaky in that way. She is one person on youtube and another on instagram and while people like us on this thread have been able to see her bull since way before this amazon thing, a lot of her subscribers don't because they don't follow her on instagram and they don't see every single post or story that she makes.  They only believe what she says on youtube (which is still dumb because even if they don't see ever instagram she has named the brands of her clothes on lookbooks before).  Another argument that was made on reddit was that people just want to attack influencers for working with amazon even if those same people are not being sustainable and ethical with their purchases and actions... sigh, another sign of cognitive dissonance. I don't go around calling myself a sustainability hero, make a profit from it, and then go on to work with one of the most unethical companies on the planet!! Ad hominem attacks towards people who criticize her does not erase her hypocrisy and greenwashing.  I'm so done. 

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people are saying that sustainability has never been a main focus on her channel??

 

huh? if sustainability isn't a main focus, why would she have talked so much about reformation and other sustainable brands, and bought so many clothes from them? why would she promote thrifting by doing thrifting videos and hauls, and alter her own clothes instead of just buying a different item or throwing it away? i feel like ppl forget that being sustainable with clothes also means that you actively try not to be WASTEFUL by not buying what you don't need

Edited by shu
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just watched her video with Damon from DamonandJo. it made Ashley seem way more natural and normal in front of the camera (partially because Damon is good at keeping the conversation going, and also because there was alcohol involved) but it totally reminded me of the feeling i got when i first started watching her videos. the "i can relate to that" feel was back i guess

 

if you want to know what the whole video was about:

they went to a rave together. she talked about being self conscious in LA and how she sometimes compares her life achievements to others, even if other people's goals dont exactly align with her own. like how some people her age are getting married and she feels like she's not achieving anything that big but she also doesnt want to be married that young.

there's a segment about morality (starts around the 7 minute mark) and how there's many ways of making money but they have to constantly cater to sponsors even though their audience might enjoy what they post. Damon told a story about a sponsor making him remove a photo from their instagram which i thought was fucked up because the photo had nothing to do with the brand. then Ashley told a story about how last Christmas she spend a lot of timw editing a video while hanging out with her family. the brand told her it was okay to swear but then told her she had to remove the swearing before posting the video so she decided to post it without the sponsored part and lost the money they were going to give her.

then they talk about making money and creativity and Ashley kidn of admits that she nows sees youtube as a job more than a hobby and how she sometimes overthinks what type of content to post because she knows that her fashion videos will get her more money. there's a really ironic part where Ashley literally says something along the lines of "yeah, when you're succesful on youtube you're getting big brand deals but that might also mean that your content is declining in quality".

then (around 10:37) they talk about how sometimes getting more money is not as important. that they get some really lucrative brand deals but dont accept it because they know they dont need the money. and when they do the hype they get because of the money disappears quickly because they know they wont use it, but they still accept deals because they're scared of losing all their money (i have to add that Ashley was quite silent during the beginning of this part, i wonder if she was rethinking that Amazon sponsorship lmao).

then they talk about productivity and Ashley admit that she somestimes overworks herself because she's used to it and its kind of what everyone expects these days because overworking yourself is so normalized now. AND THEN they talk about dating. they use the deck of cards thing again so i'll just leave the timestamp (13:30). this extends to around 18:15 where they start talking about dating apps and later talk about love.

in the end they talk about a boy that Asley met at the rave that she's wating a message from but he never texted her again. 

also really interesting how Damon added some of the cut scenes from the video in the end (kind of like a bloopers thing but not really) but it didnt come across as uncomfortable as Ashley's car video where she was repeating herself over and over again.

 

 

 

Edited by htttps
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just watched her video with Damon from DamonandJo. it made Ashley seem way more natural and normal in front of the camera (partially because Damon is good at keeping the conversation going, and also because there was alcohol involved) but it totally reminded me of the feeling i got when i first started watching her videos. the "i can relate to that" feel was back i guess

 

if you want to know what the whole video was about:

they went to a rave together. she talked about being self conscious in LA and how she sometimes compares her life achievements to others, even if other people's goals dont exactly align with her own. like how some people her age are getting married and she feels like she's not achieving anything that big but she also doesnt want to be married that young.

there's a segment about morality (starts around the 7 minute mark) and how there's many ways of making money but they have to constantly cater to sponsors even though their audience might enjoy what they post. Damon told a story about a sponsor making him remove a photo from their instagram which i thought was fucked up because the photo had nothing to do with the brand. then Ashley told a story about how last Christmas she spend a lot of timw editing a video while hanging out with her family. the brand told her it was okay to swear but then told her she had to remove the swearing before posting the video so she decided to post it without the sponsored part and lost the money they were going to give her.

then they talk about making money and creativity and Ashley kidn of admits that she nows sees youtube as a job more than a hobby and how she sometimes overthinks what type of content to post because she knows that her fashion videos will get her more money. there's a really ironic part where Ashley literally says something along the lines of "yeah, when you're succesful on youtube you're getting big brand deals but that might also mean that your content is declining in quality".

then (around 10:37) they talk about how sometimes getting more money is not as important. that they get some really lucrative brand deals but dont accept it because they know they dont need the money. and when they do the hype they get because of the money disappears quickly because they know they wont use it, but they still accept deals because they're scared of losing all their money (i have to add that Ashley was quite silent during the beginning of this part, i wonder if she was rethinking that Amazon sponsorship lmao).

then they talk about productivity and Ashley admit that she somestimes overworks herself because she's used to it and its kind of what everyone expects these days because overworking yourself is so normalized now. AND THEN they talk about dating. they use the deck of cards thing again so i'll just leave the timestamp (13:30). this extends to around 18:15 where they start talking about dating apps and later talk about love.

in the end they talk about a boy that Asley met at the rave that she's wating a message from but he never texted her again. 

also really interesting how Damon added some of the cut scenes from the video in the end (kind of like a bloopers thing but not really) but it didnt come across as uncomfortable as Ashley's car video where she was repeating herself over and over again.

 

Ashley does seem very comfortable and natural. When given a project, there are those who work the best by themselves while there are others who work better with a group of people; I think she falls into the latter. It's not a negative, as I am definitely a collaborator more than a solo person. Different styles produce different things. I know it would take a certain amount of trust to find someone to collaborate with. 

The part where she said she's considered to get a 9-5 job to make YouTube turn back into hobby sounds like the smartest thing she could ever do. People probably aren't tracking my personal opinion on this, but I'm a person that believes that YouTube shouldn't be your 'end all' - just a hobby or a way to network to get to a better destination. From it's inception, YouTube could have never sustained what it is today (with how many uploads there are) without proper infrastructure to form it. Infrastructure requires money and that money was bound to come from somewhere that would dictate how "free" it could be. It's better to not have to bow down to the gods of the algorithm and sponsors unless fame is really what you're seeking... and even then we know how that works.

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Ashley does seem very comfortable and natural. When given a project, there are those who work the best by themselves while there are others who work better with a group of people; I think she falls into the latter. It's not a negative, as I am definitely a collaborator more than a solo person. Different styles produce different things. I know it would take a certain amount of trust to find someone to collaborate with. 

The part where she said she's considered to get a 9-5 job to make YouTube turn back into hobby sounds like the smartest thing she could ever do. People probably aren't tracking my personal opinion on this, but I'm a person that believes that YouTube shouldn't be your 'end all' - just a hobby or a way to network to get to a better destination. From it's inception, YouTube could have never sustained what it is today (with how many uploads there are) without proper infrastructure to form it. Infrastructure requires money and that money was bound to come from somewhere that would dictate how "free" it could be. It's better to not have to bow down to the gods of the algorithm and sponsors unless fame is really what you're seeking... and even then we know how that works.

 

Completely agree. However, at the same time, I think that you can make a living from youtube without having to sell your soul to sponsors and give up your personal creativity IF you are willing to give up immense profit. The thing is that there are many smaller channels on youtube with creators who make a living from it even if they are not earning millions. There are people on youtube who are earning minimum wage or an average wage on youtube because they choose to make content that they like and accept sponsors every once in a while that aligns with their channel and morals.  In other words, there are content creators on youtube who may not be the biggest or who may not earn the most but its because they are not money hungry and they genuinely only do content that they like. Youtubers like Ashley act like they are somehow obligated to do sponsorships and to give up their personal creativity when no one is holding a gun for her to feel forced to do that. Only you, Ashley, are telling yourself that you need to do everything to earn so much. I think it was you who said a few pages back that if she really wants to be happy and feel satisfied with her content she is going to have to sacrifice some money, which i agree, but it is something i don't see her doing in the near future. I know that she mentioned before that she wants to have enough money to have the freedom to do the content that she likes without fearing demonetization but aside from the unnecessary dick joke here and there and the rare videos about masturbation and blowjobs, does she do something so revolutionary that she finds it crucial to her channel? Furthermore, how does she want the freedom to do content that she likes when she already put herself into a box of sustainability when she clearly likes fast fashion? She doesn't realize that she has the freedom to do anything she wants. The only one caging her and putting her in a box is herself. 

 I liked something that the guy in the video said about how earning so much money is pointless because although you will spend some of it, when you get to a point in which you have so much money all of it just becomes useless and is just there sitting at the bank. The excitement of having money quickly fades when you realize all the things you are missing in your life that cannot be purchased with money. It almost reminds me of a video that Shane Dawson did a while back about why every youtuber is depressed and unsatisfied. I think it provides a lot of insight into someone like Ashley if anyone wants to watch it (although not everything applies to Ashley since she didnt grow up poor):  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I just saw the video with Ashley and Damon, and I thought that Ashley mentioning that relationships are like a stack of cards was a very naeive, and black and white mindset to have. It is true that no matter what choices we make in life, we are always going to feel like there was a better choice. But the reality is, whatever choice that we make was the decision that was meant to happen. There is no right or wrong choice, we just make the choices that lead the the effects in this reality that we are living in. If Ashley was unsure in her relationships about there being a better choice, she was tehnically wrong. We can have many partners in our life that we can be compatible with, but there is no better choice. Every person has his or her flaws. If you are in a happy, healthy relationship with someone and wonder if someone else could be better for  you, there isn’t. That other person that you think is better, has their own flaws. Love is about being compatible with someone overall and accepting the good and bad parts. I’m talking about a normal, “healthy” relationship, not an abusive one. No one is going to find that one perfect person who will fulfill their needs and agree with every thing that they think or do. It’s unrealistic. And the part Ashley mentioned about people not ending up with their first significant other is because people typically need trial and error before finding someone that they are compatible with and willing to stay through the good and bad times. Her experiences with boyfriends do not speak for everyone else’s. Just because she did not end up with he first boyfriend doesn’t mean that relationships are a number game. Everyone’s experience is different. Though it’s rare, some people may end up with their first significant other. Some may end up with their third, fourth, etc. Not everything is so black and white.

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There are people on youtube who are earning minimum wage or an average wage on youtube because they choose to make content that they like and accept sponsors every once in a while that aligns with their channel and morals.  In other words, there are content creators on youtube who may not be the biggest or who may not earn the most but its because they are not money hungry and they genuinely only do content that they like.

i've seen so many channels with 70k-500k subscribers that all have patreons.

one of the channels i'm subscribed to has 136k subs right now and for the past month, her videos haven't gone past 94k views. i've been subbed to her for the better part of a year and i've only seen her doing sponsors for vpns, and tv and streaming services because she's a true crime youtuber. she made a grwm video a month ago, where she said all her patreon earnings go straight towards her rent lol.

for an example of a larger channel, jun's kitchen has millions of subscribers, he also has a patreon, and in all the years that i've watched him, i've never seen him do a sponsored vid on that channel. he posts whatever and whenever he wants to.

it is possible to have a channel with a decent following and still be able to make the videos that you want, while not needing to do 5bil sponsored videos that don't even match up to what you're promoting on your channel lol. clearly if you don't let numbers and success get to your head, people are gonna want to support you monetarily bc they think you're worth supporting 

Edited by shu
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Completely agree. However, at the same time, I think that you can make a living from youtube without having to sell your soul to sponsors and give up your personal creativity IF you are willing to give up immense profit. The thing is that there are many smaller channels on youtube with creators who make a living from it even if they are not earning millions. There are people on youtube who are earning minimum wage or an average wage on youtube because they choose to make content that they like and accept sponsors every once in a while that aligns with their channel and morals.  In other words, there are content creators on youtube who may not be the biggest or who may not earn the most but its because they are not money hungry and they genuinely only do content that they like. Youtubers like Ashley act like they are somehow obligated to do sponsorships and to give up their personal creativity when no one is holding a gun for her to feel forced to do that. Only you, Ashley, are telling yourself that you need to do everything to earn so much. I think it was you who said a few pages back that if she really wants to be happy and feel satisfied with her content she is going to have to sacrifice some money, which i agree, but it is something i don't see her doing in the near future. I know that she mentioned before that she wants to have enough money to have the freedom to do the content that she likes without fearing demonetization but aside from the unnecessary dick joke here and there and the rare videos about masturbation and blowjobs, does she do something so revolutionary that she finds it crucial to her channel? Furthermore, how does she want the freedom to do content that she likes when she already put herself into a box of sustainability when she clearly likes fast fashion? She doesn't realize that she has the freedom to do anything she wants. The only one caging her and putting her in a box is herself. 

 I liked something that the guy in the video said about how earning so much money is pointless because although you will spend some of it, when you get to a point in which you have so much money all of it just becomes useless and is just there sitting at the bank. The excitement of having money quickly fades when you realize all the things you are missing in your life that cannot be purchased with money. It almost reminds me of a video that Shane Dawson did a while back about why every youtuber is depressed and unsatisfied. I think it provides a lot of insight into someone like Ashley if anyone wants to watch it (although not everything applies to Ashley since she didnt grow up poor):  

 

 

It was me and I still stand by that, for sure. People can always find contentment and happiness if they draw a hard line at when something is "good enough".  I agree that I don't think she will do it anytime soon because of what you mentioned, which is why I think it would be a good idea to have a 9-5. For one, she can maintain the current lifestyle but have more freedom with her content; it's the perfect compromise in her situation, as I don't think she will be willing to not live in LA, NYC or London. She's going to need to keep taking sponsorships or have a big girl job. For two, Ashley needs to learn to settle into authority. There is a difference with allowing yourself to be a mindless drone that never challenges the moral and ethical codes of a company and being a worker that has to answer to someone. I think it adds grit as well as makes you more confident in your own values and boundaries. It could just be the parent in me, but everyone seems to have an opinion these days yet very few people can really stand by that when push comes to shove. 

I know you can make a living with YouTube, but what I was getting at is that I think it's an aimless career path. When I say aimless, I mean, where can you go and what will it help in the future. I mean you are thinking about what you need to pay in the here and now but what are you going to do as you retire? What are you going to do if you get an illness that you need treatment for? It could be my watch preferences, but I see mostly partnered people (where their partner has a traditional job) that really have the future laid out. The partner is saving their 401K, has a company paying benefits, etc. If the YouTuber were to stop, the partner has an income to pay the property taxes if you are completely debt free. With the where can you, when you start off as a bank teller, you can move onto a loan officer, branch manager. When is the ceiling high enough in YouTube? It seems the only path, if you have zero aspirations or capital to start your own venture, is to try and reach millions of subscribers. And this is all aside from the fact that YouTube is laying out some vague and harsh new terms that I think spells bad business and the loss of income for A LOT of people.

Edited by andherflowers
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It was me and I still stand by that, for sure. People can always find contentment and happiness if they draw a hard line at when something is "good enough".  I agree that I don't think she will do it anytime soon because of what you mentioned, which is why I think it would be a good idea to have a 9-5. For one, she can maintain the current lifestyle but have more freedom with her content; it's the perfect compromise in her situation, as I don't think she will be willing to not live in LA, NYC or London. She's going to need to keep taking sponsorships or have a big girl job. For two, Ashley needs to learn to settle into authority. There is a difference with allowing yourself to be a mindless drone that never challenges the moral and ethical codes of a company and being a worker that has to answer to someone. I think it adds grit as well as makes you more confident in your own values and boundaries. It could just be the parent in me, but everyone seems to have an opinion these days yet very few people can really stand by that when push comes to shove. 

I know you can make a living with YouTube, but what I was getting at is that I think it's an aimless career path. When I say aimless, I mean, where can you go and what will it help in the future. I mean you are thinking about what you need to pay in the here and now but what are you going to do as you retire? What are you going to do if you get an illness that you need treatment for? It could be my watch preferences, but I see mostly partnered people (where their partner has a traditional job) that really have the future laid out. The partner is saving their 401K, has a company paying benefits, etc. If the YouTuber were to stop, the partner has an income to pay the property taxes if you are completely debt free. With the where can you, when you start off as a bank teller, you can move onto a loan officer, branch manager. When is the ceiling high enough in YouTube? It seems the only path, if you have zero aspirations or capital to start your own venture, is to try and reach millions of subscribers. And this is all aside from the fact that YouTube is laying out some vague and harsh new terms that I think spells bad business and the loss of income for A LOT of people.

Tbh, Youtube and the likes are basically an economic bubble about to burst. Everyone and their grandma is a digital influencer now, reaching 100k subs is not the same thing it was 10 or even 5 years ago. Sooner or later being a big Youtuber is going to mean nothing at all, and she should prepare herself for that.

Besides, having a job will make her 1) have a set routine (something that helps A LOT if you're the kind of person who isn't organized or disciplined); 2) meet people that aren't in it for the clout and maybe even actually make new friends, or at least improve her social skills; 3) have the financial stability to have more creative freedom and not take shitty Amazon sponsorships or the like; 4) put her degree to use and have her pursue something that isn't just for internet points.

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“never met a single person in my life who had no real friends” *raises hand* glad that’s out of the way

 

i think people don’t understand how social anxiety can damage a persons life, and I’m just really tired of all the assumptions of her and her not having friends bcus it really does seem like y’all don’t know anything about that disorder at all. it’s a disorder that makes you self sabotage a lot regarding any relationship bcus you judge yourself too much. it can ruin a person’s life. y’all sayin stuff like “oh she has no friends she must be toxic” or equating people with no friends to just being straight up people who need to be locked away (that guy who threw a brick or smth) is concerning. like I said, I literally didn’t have friends bcus I distanced myself from a friends group bcus I thought they didn’t like me. It can be simple things like that that can lead to a person, especially a person with social anxiety disorder, to not establish friendships.

 

okay well we've never met but sure, but also I don't get your point, you seem to agree with me--having no friends sucks. You talked previously about how you self-sabotaged by alienating yourself cuz you felt like you didn't belong with one group of friends and then seemed to regret it, but not that you felt you were better off without them (not saying it's your fault, just saying it wasn't like social anxiety/lack of friends is something you desired and feel happier that way, or so it comes across). You literally wrote that having social anxiety can ruin a person's life, suggesting that they would be happier if they were social. 

I have massive social anxiety (which used to be written off as "shyness" back in the day) and depression, and my social anxiety is something I struggle with to this day and has caused me to self-sabotage and lose some friendships that I regret losing and delay deep friendships because I was so anxious about whether they would like/accept me BUT I recognized that meeting people and having friends, especially those I can meet in person, makes me a much happier and mentally healthy person so I work very, very hard to deal with my social anxiety, and to be honest having friends has helped me out of some suicidal times. And having even one friend helped me deal with my social anxiety more. But I still struggle with it (and my depression) every day, so it's not something I take lightly.

The reason I said that is not to criticize Ashley or suggest she is toxic (she may be, she may not be, who knows)--my point was: with friends, family, a healthy romantic relationship, a therapist, or some combination, Ashley would be much better off and likely much happier and healthier. I said this all from a place of deep understanding and compassion, not derision. But again, I still say having no friends/no one to talk to/no real connection at all is very detrimental to one's mental health. 

(I also never said people with no friends need to be locked away, but yeah that was literally the only person I've ever encountered in person who had no real friends so that could be causation as you suggested or just pure correlation.) I just think life is too fucking much for one human being to handle a lot of the time, and when people have no one but themselves and are completely isolated, they either implode or explode. We need each other as people, and that includes Ashley and yourself as well (not to put you in a spot, just saying). I know Ashley listed friends on the east coast as a potential reason for moving, and has talked about them in the NY vlog I think? So she may just not be choosing to share them with the online world, which is fine. But to me if she truly has no friends, I am deeply concerned for her mental health and well-being and hope she can make some because I stand by my belief that people should not be completely alone.

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I just saw the video with Ashley and Damon, and I thought that Ashley mentioning that relationships are like a stack of cards was a very naeive, and black and white mindset to have. It is true that no matter what choices we make in life, we are always going to feel like there was a better choice. But the reality is, whatever choice that we make was the decision that was meant to happen. There is no right or wrong choice, we just make the choices that lead the the effects in this reality that we are living in. If Ashley was unsure in her relationships about there being a better choice, she was tehnically wrong. We can have many partners in our life that we can be compatible with, but there is no better choice. Every person has his or her flaws. If you are in a happy, healthy relationship with someone and wonder if someone else could be better for  you, there isn’t. That other person that you think is better, has their own flaws. Love is about being compatible with someone overall and accepting the good and bad parts. I’m talking about a normal, “healthy” relationship, not an abusive one. No one is going to find that one perfect person who will fulfill their needs and agree with every thing that they think or do. It’s unrealistic. And the part Ashley mentioned about people not ending up with their first significant other is because people typically need trial and error before finding someone that they are compatible with and willing to stay through the good and bad times. Her experiences with boyfriends do not speak for everyone else’s. Just because she did not end up with he first boyfriend doesn’t mean that relationships are a number game. Everyone’s experience is different. Though it’s rare, some people may end up with their first significant other. Some may end up with their third, fourth, etc. Not everything is so black and white.

 

THIS x100! I wanted to put something in my original post on the video, but I didn't want to write a novel and I wanted to be overall positive because I don't think of Ashley as a villain. 

Myself, as well as other people I've met or have heard talking about their chosen partner, never would have thought that the man that's my husband would be my husband. All the people I knew were so perplexed at my choice for so many reasons. He wasn't in the most perfect place in his life, but if other people were honest, nor was I. But I have found that there is never "the right time" due to the fact that you never know what life is going to hand you. Yes, there is certainly a personal checklist I'd give my kids to consider before marriage, but none of the things on that list have anything to do with having x-number of boyfriends, x-number if sexual experiences. You don't need to play the field in hopes that you're going to meet your 10 because you just don't know over the course of time when your actually fully commit to them. And, speaking from experience, going to have didn't give me any sort of life skill that went toward having a partner. That's another story, though!

We are so comfortable in our worlds that we never consider how loss of a family member, illness, market crashing or even the sudden rush of abundance will do to us and/or our partner. You have to talk about the best with your potential partner and be ready for some bad to come. Also, if you want to serious date, then you need to just make it very clear from the get because you can weed out the men from the boys real quick.

This is turning into a rant. I'm going to stop now, but I agree with everything that you said 100%. 

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I just saw the video with Ashley and Damon, and I thought that Ashley mentioning that relationships are like a stack of cards was a very naeive, and black and white mindset to have. It is true that no matter what choices we make in life, we are always going to feel like there was a better choice. But the reality is, whatever choice that we make was the decision that was meant to happen. There is no right or wrong choice, we just make the choices that lead the the effects in this reality that we are living in. If Ashley was unsure in her relationships about there being a better choice, she was tehnically wrong. We can have many partners in our life that we can be compatible with, but there is no better choice. Every person has his or her flaws. If you are in a happy, healthy relationship with someone and wonder if someone else could be better for  you, there isn’t. That other person that you think is better, has their own flaws. Love is about being compatible with someone overall and accepting the good and bad parts. I’m talking about a normal, “healthy” relationship, not an abusive one. No one is going to find that one perfect person who will fulfill their needs and agree with every thing that they think or do. It’s unrealistic. And the part Ashley mentioned about people not ending up with their first significant other is because people typically need trial and error before finding someone that they are compatible with and willing to stay through the good and bad times. Her experiences with boyfriends do not speak for everyone else’s. Just because she did not end up with he first boyfriend doesn’t mean that relationships are a number game. Everyone’s experience is different. Though it’s rare, some people may end up with their first significant other. Some may end up with their third, fourth, etc. Not everything is so black and white.

 

Thank you for writing about romantic relationships in such a healthy manner, I hope Ashley reads that. I feel bad for her negative view on love and relationships and hope she can mature. 

A quote I like is "The grass is greener where you water it." No matter who you date, there'll still be thousands more of men/women who are equally or more attractive than your partner, more successful, more popular, more whatever you want. But you won't find someone who's 100% perfect for you - maybe just someone who's 90% perfect. The other 10% is what you will work on and find solutions to throughout years of loving each other. And maybe you'll meet some other people who are also 90% perfect for you, but at that point, it's up to you to put all your love and effort into your current relationship instead of running off to the next guy/gal. 

I don't believe we all have one "soulmate," I believe we meet a lot of wonderful people in our lifetime we could happily date, but they will become your "soulmate" if you always work with them and spend years together rather than running off to the next person. 

(Sorry for the lengthy ramble haha. I just feel that Ashley and a lot of other people have unrealistic expectations of love.)

While Ashley has her flaws I still have hope that she will mature over time and make better decisions...

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