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Dealing with depression

44 posts in this topic

Posted

meds never helped me, tbh. I also feel that depending on meds to alter your brain is probably not great.

 

meds were craaazy, they gave me such endless motivation and happiness and it was sooooo weird because i knew it was fake. but after i stopped using them i sorta never felt as shitty as before i took them so i guess they altered my brain for the better

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Posted

The way my depression works is that everything seems dull to me. I don't really like hanging out with friends, I don't really take pleasure in things, and I find myself bored all the time. I never have energy to do anything so when I get home I normally take a nap

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Posted (edited)

I put the basic of my past story on spoiler since it could end up being triggering to some: 

I still have my rough times even now, but pretty much between the ages of 9-15 were extremely rough for me since I had gotten hospitalized a few times from multiple overdoses and excessive cutting. I have some pretty heavy anxiety and I was born with a developmental disorder so I can be a little "weird" I guess; and so I couldn't handle school, people really did not like me at all, my parents weren't really all too helpful and calling me dramatic, I didn't really have friends i could talk to and I never stopped comparing myself, even now I still do it.

I'm on some pretty heavy medications now but its also a lot of pills so that really makes me hate taking them, especially since it kind of reminds me of when I was swallowing so many pills :alpacaworry2: I try to drink thick chunky things when I take my meds so I don't really feel any of it

For me, it kind of helped finally finding a right friend group who actually cared. That saying of hard times reveal true friends is accurate, and since at the time I started high school not knowing anyone really (which I actually preferred since the kids I knew before had known me for so long and really despised me, heh. So I wanted a fresh start) and eventually found a few people I was able to get close with, which I know not everyone gets that luck but it did for me.

I was forced to be put on medication so I had no choice after awhile, but sometimes it can take awhile before finding a medication that actually works for you, which can suck or be really easy. An alternative I can recommend is getting a pet (or another one if you don't already have one) I had a cat since I was little around but he's a little lazy, and I ended up getting another cat and it was so worth it honestly. A little lovable companion is the biggest help sometimes. 

Also, I don't know how much this could really apply to most people here but I decided to really start doll collecting, mainly Monster & Ever After High (I love both lol), I really only collect what I like but it's also been healing to me as well(: I only had about 4 before I really got into collecting, heh. 

Edited by silviam00n
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Posted

Always make sure friends know.

I got really really sick in December and Januray. February it just vanished the first week of the month but now it's starting to come back quickly. The other day I had mentioned to a friend while we were gaming that I had started to feel down again and that I had an anxiety attack that morning. Next day I got a surprise visit. 

I haven't told anyone about how dark my head got the two months I was sick. It felt like years, I could barely take care of myself. 

I know if I would have they would've been there for me. 

But always tell friends. If you have good ones they can help so much. Don't hide your depression. Sometimes it may feel like nobody cares but just think to yourself "if my friend was depressed I'd want them to tell me because I care and love them." and just remember they feel the same way about you. 

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Posted

One of my friends has depression and I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to keep going to the psychologist and she tried to kill herself like one month ago. She always pretends that she is just fine, but she just broke up with her boyfriend, who was the only person that she let know when she was really bad, and I'm really scared because even if she tells me that she is fine I know she is going to have some kind of crisis. She lives with a guy who also has lots of psychologic problems, so I don't trust him for keeping her safe, but she just tells me that she is very busy with her studies to hang out or having me there putting an eye on her. I don't want to put any pressure on her but I really don't know what to do. Can someone give some kind of advice, please?

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Posted

meds never helped me, tbh. I also feel that depending on meds to alter your brain is probably not great.

 

Yeah, I agree. Exercise and positive thoughts are usually the best type of medicine. A couple of years ago, I was dealing with depression and took some drugs. They made me feel more dead and emotionally empty than necessary. Eventually I stopped taking them because I realized positive thoughts and endorphin from running on a treadmill or outside worked so much better for me. Take the time to go outside and smell the flowers. They're blooming in the sun and waiting for your gentle caress and smile. :alpacacrush:

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Posted

I myself have been depressed for as long as I can remember it started really early in my life and to be honest I don't know if it was a chemical imbalance in me or if it was the crappy treatment I received as a child or maybe it could have been both. It was so bad that at a young age I was already suicidal. I was molested, treated differently from everyone else, excluded, and mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. Sadly this past affected my relationships with everybody. I never had my parents around and my biological mother left me with the wrong paternal side.. Growing up I felt a lot of the hate.. My mother is white and according to her my father is Asian. The family I grew up with is actually Mexican. I look nothing like them and they and I know I am not related to them at all. Still we built somewhat of an attachment. Sadly I got bullied a lot from them. I was called cracker, ghost, casper, white girl, nazi, zombie ( the list goes on) I was called ugly a lot for being different and also crazy and stupid for any thing I like that was way different from their likes. For example I love eating my egg with ketchup and hot sauce and was yelled at for that and called white trash. I was and still am reminded everyday of my mother who abandoned me and compared to her saying that I am "crazy". Till this day we keep in contact BUT distance is better. I was kicked out very soon and am now living on my own and I have an AMAZING  bf :) that I have been with for a while now :) so things do start to get better.. Although after everything that has happened I am probably not in the right state of mind 100% of the time. I have had days where I feel totally numb and days I wish I wasn't around remembering and believing everything I was told. Things like.. I'm ugly, I'm too skinny, i'm too pale, I am unlovable and always have been and always will be, I am not smart enough and stupid, Being sexually assaulted was my fault. I have finally decided to go to a psychiatrist. They spoke to me and got to know me. We spoke about my past as well. I was very skeptical about taking medication at 1st but then.. I was tired of feeling dead everyday.. I was more dead than alive.. Nothing excited me.. I woke up with anxiety and depression everyday and sometimes i couldn't sleep all night. My psychiatrist prescribed me anti depressants and adhd medication. I am much better. Although I still feel down at times because I really wish that I knew my own mother and at least got to know her a bit. I wish that she was forced to answer my questions. BUT THEN I start to think of all the times she spoke to me about things I shouldn't have been spoken to about as a child and also how she ignored all my calls and still to this day avoids me. I used to think I wasn't good enough. I felt worthless all the time.. I got into drugs early in my life and hoped that one day I over dosed. I risked my life in many dangerous occurrences. I didn't care if I woke up the next day. I didn't care if the next day authorities found me in a ditch. I was at my lowest point in my life. I had nobody care about me. Then I met two special people in my life :alpacacrush: my best friend and my bf. They helped me turn my life around. For once I actually had someone to talk to. I had people who cared about me not just about themselves. They are two of the most precious people in my life. LOL sorry this is getting way too long. To cut it short. Things will get better. Do what you can to get help. Learn to love yourself and be patient with yourself. If you have a bf who you highly trust I urge you to speak with them. Please never ever give up on yourself. I know it seems hard to get over everything and at times our scars open up again. When this happens make yourself happy. Go out for a walk, talk with friends or family and don't give up :alpacacrush:

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Posted

this thread is really nice, theres so much nice and truthful advice on here. i've been dealing with severe clinical depression from the beginning of high school (still going through that, sadly, it's been around 4-5 years) i take meds and i see two psychologists (one is able to prescribe meds while the other cant) and it helps, im really shy and i cant really talk to anyone about my feelings but it feels nice to be able to and not feel judged about it, i agree w/ what john doe said, definitely try and keep yourself up and active because i feel as if that works, i know that i try to go shopping as much as i can (rip bank account) because that makes me happy!! i also draw and make things when im at home to keep myself from staying in bed as much as i want to, getting up in the morning (or afternoon, sometimes lol) and making your bed, getting dressed, wash your face, do/practice makeup if your into that and just do things you enjoy that will make you feel happy and take your mind off of the negative emotions. if you're feeling really bad, i think seeking professional help might be good, i know many cant do that because of the costs, but if it is possible then try it out, if you have friends, online or not, boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other w/e, talk to them. i talk to my boyfriend kinda vaguely about all of this because i feel really manipulative whenever i bring these things up bc i dont like making others sad by showing that im sad?? idk if that made sense. anyway, do things that make you happy, please dont stay in bed all day if you can help it, i hope you all feel better soon & im really happy this thread is here bc it'll give me some motivation 

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this thread is really nice, theres so much nice and truthful advice on here. i've been dealing with severe clinical depression from the beginning of high school (still going through that, sadly, it's been around 4-5 years) i take meds and i see two psychologists (one is able to prescribe meds while the other cant) and it helps, im really shy and i cant really talk to anyone about my feelings but it feels nice to be able to and not feel judged about it, i agree w/ what john doe said, definitely try and keep yourself up and active because i feel as if that works, i know that i try to go shopping as much as i can (rip bank account) because that makes me happy!! i also draw and make things when im at home to keep myself from staying in bed as much as i want to, getting up in the morning (or afternoon, sometimes lol) and making your bed, getting dressed, wash your face, do/practice makeup if your into that and just do things you enjoy that will make you feel happy and take your mind off of the negative emotions. if you're feeling really bad, i think seeking professional help might be good, i know many cant do that because of the costs, but if it is possible then try it out, if you have friends, online or not, boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other w/e, talk to them. i talk to my boyfriend kinda vaguely about all of this because i feel really manipulative whenever i bring these things up bc i dont like making others sad by showing that im sad?? idk if that made sense. anyway, do things that make you happy, please dont stay in bed all day if you can help it, i hope you all feel better soon & im really happy this thread is here bc it'll give me some motivation 

 

I Totally feel the exact same way!! I hate being a Debbie downer and getting people all sad. I just really need someone to talk to sometimes and I'm so glad this forum exist :alpacacrush:. Just like you I also am seeing two. One that can prescribe and one that can't. I used to have the worst anxiety and to be honest I still do.. I couldn't breathe when I was in front of people or walking by. I would start shaking. No one knows nor knew about this. When my bf and I started dating I couldn't look at him straight in the eyes. It was soo hard.  This forum really helps me so much. although I am shy to speak on here too I am starting to come out more out of my shell. I mean I am even able to reply and put my own thoughts and opinions now :Alpacashocked:  I could even wear shorts and dresses again even make up:alpacacrush:. I'm not sure how old you are but please don't keep feeling like this and letting it win over you. always talk to someone who listens to you. I regret not getting the help I needed a long time ago. I am now in my 20s and I have never felt more free and better than I do now. Never ignore your symptoms :alpacacrush: Take great care of yourself. Internet hugxD lol

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Posted

Hope that you are okay if I share my story:

I have been diagnosed with very high depression and anxiety in 2014. However, I believe that my depression started in Private school. 

Fitting in Private school when you were at public school is hard. Everyone thinks that you are a delinquent, a rebel, a rule breaker. Due to this, making friends was difficult and everyone knew you pretty fast. I was however very lucky to make a few friends. They understood what it was like for a new person to be in a private school. Sadly, I no longer receive any contact from them. 

College has been the worst for me. A group of girls were making fun of me for whatever I did. From making videos online, to my gothic fashion to how I would act. This sadly went into my eating disorder or hardly eating when they said "She should loose weight." I was at a normal weight but as a very sensitive person, I just wanted to make someone in my life happy.

The eating disorder made my depression and anxiety worse. It got the point where I would self harm to "Take away the pain." I really wanted to get help, I really really wanted to. However, when I tried to speak to someone, I would get ignored or get told "Just get over it". Luckily, a girl in class noticed about my weight and took me the college's therapist. I saw 2 but they did not notice it even though I was saying "I am worried about my weight, what I eat."  Doctors and nurses looked puzzled at me. They did not know what to do with me when I went to ask them about my weight and food intake. I was very shocked. I thought that I was not sick enough to get help. I continued to drop the weight even more so that I could get the help that I needed. I uploaded a progress photo on social media. my online friends did not like what I was doing to myself. They told me to stop. They told me to love myself and not to turn my body into nothingness. I finally got the help that I needed. After 8 months of suffering, I was able to recover and get the help that I wanted. 

Years 2 and 3 took a huge turn. I was trying my best at college to do all of the homework on time. I did, however I felt like some teachers were not keen on how I was. I have been told that I will not pass the year, I was nearly forced onto a different course and I had many meetings about well how I was. That is when I wanted to die. I wanted to end it all. I spoke to my friends, not much of a response. I told my therapist, I was given a number to ring whenever I felt like this. I called it and It did not help me at all. They somehow got my parent's contact numbers and I could not trust them after that. The teasing by another group of girls happened and I had to skip certain lessons because of that. I did not feel safe at my college and I felt very worthless. I did not feel like I was a student. I was very lucky that I was able to finish college without killing myself.

Today, I am still slightly the same. I might be able to eat normal but my depression and anxiety are the same. my suicidal thoughts still live with me and I can no longer receive help. My past therapists have lied about me not completing the homework which meant a therapist that was supposed to see would not treat me.  

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Hey, without getting too far into my story, I'm in England and I developed depression alongside another condition when I was about 14/15, I'm 24 now and I was only last week discharged/"recovered".  I had been discharged at 19 because of a technicality from being with the adolescent service, but wasn't ready and lasted about 7 months before I had a breakdown and returned.

for me, I wanted a normal life, so wanted nothing more than to just get back to normality. My issue was accessing services, where I am, even after you see a doctor, you could be waiting months to see a psychologist or therapist. The first port of call is usually a group CBT session. I found CBT helpful, but I had other symptoms that needed to be addressed. Personally, I think psychologists are overhyped. Some make you feel awkward as hell, and sometimes it just feels like you're venting and not getting practical help. I've had the most success with CBT groups and a therapist who worked with me on mindfulness techniques.  Because these services are somewhat hard to get into (quickly at least) I looked up classes, they are out there, but usually at an extra cost.

i have never had faith in medication, a lot of my friends have said theirs made them feel horrible, and more often than not, its a rut you get stuck in.  It's important to remember that depression is a side effect to how you process things around you, so if you can change how you interpret things, it's a slow start towards being happy.

living with my parents made me deeply unhappy, and when i moved out I was able to do more for myself.  I also started to work more on my interests and that gave me confidence and some ambition. The thing that helped me the most was having a master plan, a goal of where I wanted to be and I'd focus on every little step, it gave me the drive to get better and helped me turn my negative emotions in to a positive outcome

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This is a good thread! I like how kind and understanding people are being to one another. I have suffered from depression & anxiety off and on my whole life so I understand how many of you feel. I got very sick a few years ago and my depression got worse and worse. I ended up finding a depression board that was very helpful to me. I was surprised at how helpful it was to talk to people that understood what I was feeling. They were a very good source of support for me. I also found comfort in the oddest things. It was around that time that I discovered Doctor Who on Netflix. For some reason that show helped keep me going. I know how silly that may sound but it is true.

As for my anxiety, I am on Xanax and that has helped me a lot with my lifetime of anxiety. I am on a low dosage. I got a dog right before I got ill and she helped me with my anxiety and social anxiety. She has been a comfort and a buffer.

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Posted

I don't really know how anyone deals with depression tbh.

Mine kicked in about two years ago, not long before I got my hypothyroidism diagnosis. It was like nothing I could have ever imagined. I've felt down before and wondered if it was depression, then I actually got it and wooow. It's like everything just stopped working. I couldn't really talk to people, and if I did it was like having a conversation with a boring robot, like all the personality got dragged out of me. Everything was effort and I'd just sit on my bed on my laptop all day, sometimes switching laptop for just staring at the wall. Couldn't eat, couldn't play vidya, woke up at 5am every morning.

I can't understand anyone who got any help out of 'yoga' or 'fresh air' or 'a new hobby' or anything like that. When everything feels like a huge amount of effort you just can't even move yourself, nevermind muster up any kind of enthusiasm. You can go for a walk and think that the sun in nice and the world is magical, then go home and sink right back into the pit.

Honestly the only thing that ever helped me was meds. I've been on sertraline for a while now and they cleared my head up pretty quickly. They had some messy side effects but they blew away the fog from my brain. I became weirdly obsessed with baking and made cupcakes any day that I wasn't at work. Things have felt so much more normal every since. I mean sure they probably haven't cured anything, but eventually I'll start CBT to learn how to deal with my feelings properly so that I can come off them. 

Well whatever you do, make sure you do something. See a doctor first of all and go from there. Did you ever have the flu and be given the advice 'just talk to a friend' or 'go to the gym'? Depression is an illness and you need to treat it like one.

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Depression in my case has always been  around at a young age. I had my first break down in uni. I just became so overwhelmed I couldn't contain or hide my feelings anymore. It struck again at it's worst last fall 2015. I stopped attending all of my classes.

The way I felt was quite simple during that experience. Suicidal, extremely sad, paranoid, wanting to harm myself & others. I was never diagnosed as bipolar but I was prescribed mood stabilizers along w/ antidepressants. Paxil made me, I guess, it filled my head with a lot more negativity. Lexapro made me feel more anxious. Eventually, I stopped taking medication and just wandered around deciding to run away, live a quiet life, & end it. Then I went looking at houses because of someone I knew. She enjoys doing that for some reason, but looking at those houses set the standard. I knew there were things I wanted to achieve.  I'm a bit better now, but I do withdraw from the people around me a lot of the time. 

 

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I've been diagnosed when I was 9 in 2003 after several episodes of bullying that happened on school due to my appearance and short hair (the little brats used to call me "ugly", "lesbo", even "devilish" because I was too shy and liked unusual music and anime/games), the lack of dialogue and physical/verbal/psychological domestic abuse just made it worse and then I tried to kill myself to the first time when I was only 9 and guess what? No one and not even the fucking meds helped me as if was all my fault. Time was passing and I had very few friends (and some bad ones), average/bad grades, horribly low self esteem, I didn't even liked to have a proper dressing and used to wear giant pants and shirts because I used to believe I was disgusting and ugly. But when I decided to start dressing up and wear make up my fucking parents always were doing stupid jokes and saying I looked ugly, people will make fun of me  or how I looked like a hooker or would never marry a man and then I stopped wearing make up 

 

Once when I was a child the neighbors could listen my father hiting me and were going to call the police but my fucking mother (who's a extremely toxic person in all the meanings of the word) stopped them and then it was going on until I was almost 11 when he finally stopped. They always prefered to play the poor parents with a crazy and psycho daughter. But these were some of the many nasty things I've passed through, an episode of sexual harassment at home happened when I was 10 and I believe it was the main reason I actually identify myself as asexual (I still remember when this happened as if it happened yesterday, but there were still enough morons who SAW the scene and dare to say I was just dreaming or that I may be confused while this fucking person KNOWS it HAPPENED) 

 

The only things that make me lighter are music, my pets and my art, I think if I can't have nothing of this, living would be even more stressing and boring than already is 

 

I can't find any help unless through my art or my pets, most meds don't believe what I tell or don't seem to care enough 

 

Many other things happened but I'm not feeling safe enough to say or enter more details,  it would be way too long and I am afraid of someone I know in real life discover I said this here and I can get in serious trouble 

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