Hi! This is going to be LOOONG, so I'm going to warn you in advance...
This is my first time posting on the new forum, so yeah, I'm really happy that it's up again
So as the title says I wanted to read your thoughts/experiences on said topic. The reason why I'm curious about it is (probably) pretty obvious. Myself have I been in such a relationship.
(let me say that we also had our good moments, but I wanted to describe what's more important for the topic, because this post is riddiculously long already...)
It began when I was 15 and went to high school (I'm from Poland btw) and met a boy. He was in the same class as me and after a month we became a couple. At that time a thought I was happy, but now, looking back at it... Well, things were pretty weird, because our classmates noticed we were together after few months, because my boyfriend wouldn't even want to hug me at school, like he was ashamed (and I really mean HUG, not like make out or smth XD). Well, it would take me a really long time to describe it profoundly, because we were together for almost 5 years. Yeah, we broke up this year, it was february I guess?
But back on topic - somehow I always was the one who felt like... like I owed him something for wanting to be with me? That's pretty weird, but that's how things were. He was that type of guy who always HAD to be the best in class. He studied a lot and also he was really smart, but right now would I say smarter than me? Not really. Just more focused and commited to school (not that I want to sound like i was full of myself, dont get it that way). But anyway he always made me feel like I was worse, like I lacked something. And truth be told it wasn't entirely his fault, because I've had my episodes of being depressed, but actually it wasn't anything to major before I started dating him. When I felt down I always tried talking to him, but most of the time his answear sounded- It's your problem, I can't help you with it. You have to deal with it yourself. And you know what? I think he was PARTIALLY right, because usually with such things we have to help our own selves, HOWEVER it is only possible with the support of others, am I right? And I did NOT recieve that support from him. So I was feeling worse and worse and worse, but at a same time more and more attached to him, because I felt so LUCKY that I found someone who WANTS to be with me... We spend basically ALL of our time together, because we were in the same class etc etc.
Wow, it's impossible to describe it, there's so much of it! But well, let me go straight to the events from 2 or 3 years ago?? I don't really feel like checking - we were writing exams, that were critical for our further education (they are called matura in Poland) and depending on the outcome we would be able to pick our studies (college?). So yeah, we both wanted to study medicine, and the best uni in Poland was in the city we lived in (Cracow), but you had to have REALLY high results from the exam to get in. So yeah, we studied hard, but as you probably predicted I didn't have enough points. I actually didn't have enough points to study medicine ANYWHERE in Poland for free. He on the other side... Yeah, probably the highest result at our school.
So to cut long story short. I had the possibility to study medicine for money (I don't know how it's called in english, sorry!) and luckily my family could afford such a thing and I had to pick between two cities. Cracow - the place I lived in and Zabrze. I planned to redo my exams, so that I could study without paying and in Zabrze there were better conditions to do so, so I've decided to go there.
And that's where hell began. My boyfriend started telling me that i CAN'T go, because I promised to go to Cracow with him. He started threatening me, that h would BREAK UP with me if I go to the other city. Oh my, have I cried a lot at that time. I found it SO hard, this whole situation and I needed support, but instead after recieving our exam results i've heard - what should I tell you? you did really bad, deal with it. maybe he was right. But he was my boyfriend, wasn't he? And after making a hard decision of leaving my house to study in another city all I got was - I'LL BREAK UP WITH YOU IF YOU GO.
But I went there anyway.
And we actually did break up, because he didn't want to talk to me, and told me a few times that he doesn't care about what I do here, because I shouldn't be there in the first place...
But when that happened I was MORTIFIED, I was so scared, that nobody else would ever want me, that I would die alone (pretty fucked up thinking for 18 year old girl, right?) and eventually we came back together, but obviously he told me that it was my fault that we broke up... He even went as far as telling me, that HE WOULDN'T WANT TO GET BACK WITH ME IF I DIDN'T ASK HIM.
I don't know why I still wanted to be with him after that. Basically we would fight like... everyday, really. From the very begining. And the worst thing is, that most of the arguments were riddiculous, and started because he was the type of person who pretended that everything is fine, even if it wasn't and he also always thought that his opinion is the best and most important. Even when I was telling him how he made me feel, he would often go - stop feeling like that, it's stupid... Wow thanks...
But anyway - somehow I managed to write the exams again and got much more points, and that allowed me to study without paying, yay!
And after we got back together, things were going pretty well I'd say. But when we were on our second year suddenly everything went downhill.
I thought that he already got over the fact that i'm in another city, but no. He started to be pretty ... rude? about it. He would tell me that it was just a stupid idea of mine, that I have to go back, that we will break up... Well... I guess I have to mention one another thing here, cause thats pretty important for the whole thing. My sister is anorexic and bulimic and at home... I REALLY, REALLY didn't have a good plase to study... I't was just terrible. And he KNEW THAT. BUT HE JUST DIDN'T CARE. And that was the fact, that broke something in me. We didn't break up, but we weren't talking for about 2 months? Then we finally met up, he suggested it. So I was full of expectations, I thought - maybe he learned something? I was almost... happy? I felt that maybe we could get along? But no.
He wanted to meet up to tell me exactly that - YOU COME BACK OR WE BREAK UP. He didn't care that I was happy in Zabrze. He didn't care about my sister. He just didn't care. So I told him, that im NOT coming back. So yeah... we finally broke up.
SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG, but I had to describe it somehow... Anyway it was so eyeopening... I realized that while I was with him I... I didn't really have any other friends. I didn't want to go out without him. When we argued I used to say SORRY to him like a milion times. I used to cry because of him many times and still apologize him afterwards, just so he wouldn't be angry and wouldn't break up with me. I can see it now, how blind I was. He didn't really have some REAL respect for me, but I didn't have respect for myself either. It was really my biggest fear, for him to break up with me.
I'm so sorry if that was too long/boring/unclear...
But I really want to hear your stories or opinions, because it would mean so much to have someone understand that feeling.
Thanks in advance girls also sorry for any mistakes, I was writing in a hurry and also got a bit emotional