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motsenggyeotdah

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About motsenggyeotdah

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motsenggyeotdah's Activity

  1. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Dealing with depression   

    Hi guys,
    I also have something to confess.
    I’m from an Asian country and being sponsored by my government to study at a renown university in London (top 10 in the world) in the field of life sciences. During my first year, I admit, that I really enjoyed things there and went all out and kind of leaving my studies behind although I know I shouldn’t be doing that at all (because I’m using the money paid by government and tax-payers which are of course, the citizens.) I think I became like this because I forgot that without hard work, I’m bound to fail and the expectation for students’ performance from the university was ridiculously high.
    Then, when the results were out, I was left devastated because I had failed all papers except 1 and the marks were VERY LOW as well. I got shocked because it was such a first time for me to see those marks altogether in my life. It’s like, I didn’t study anything at all which is completely not true. Then, my university decided to make me repeat my first year and I agreed but I did this in secret- I didn’t tell my sponsor body that I was going to repeat my first year. They didn’t know.
    Since then, I started to get depressed and thought about a lot of things and the saddest thing is that I kept all these feelings to myself. Almost all the time, I compared myself with my housemates, whom can graduate on time and can proudly show off to their other friends back in our country that they are on their way to become successful because in my country, having a degree from a top university overseas means that you already achieved something huge in your life. I also kept blaming myself for being stupid and had to repeat my first year which, obviously, no one in my course ever did. 
    Fast forward, I’m on my second year now and had developed anxiety disorder due to the constant pressure and traumatic experience when I first failed the exam. I still had to resit 3 modules during the late summer, but because of my anxiety taking over me, I skipped the exam and decided to take a gap year as I want to focus on my mental health and well being with my family by my side.
    On a serious note tho, there was this one night when I felt the most miserable and couldn’t stop crying and mentally breaking down because my heart couldn’t stop beating vigorously in fear of sitting down for an exam paper the next day. I was alone in my room that night, and I had opened my window for many times, wishing that I have the bravery to jump out of it so that I could release the pain from inside me and ending my life altogether. I considered it very seriously tho, but one of my housemates checked in on me few times because she sensed something dangerous about me and I had to pretend that I was studying every time she knocked on my door. 
    Now, having been free from that university and spending my time quietly with my family, I am thinking of quitting the uni because I feel like it is the sole reason for my anxiety and depression after all. I feel like the degree is not worth risking my mental health for and I don’t want to force myself believing that I could eventually pass and completing my 3-year-studies anymore. I want to stop this suffering but unfortunately my parents don’t see it the same way as me :’) They are the typical Asian parents who believe that those who study will get great results while those who fail are the ones who are lazy enough and undeserving of any respect from the society. 
    Let me quote what my dad said to me after I told him that I want to quit, “I feel like raising you is useless after all. You didn’t return with any qualification, and that in itself is such an embarrassment to our family.”
    I cried in my mind for what I remember a few hours that night. :’) Suddenly my depression worsen and I would wake up or couldn’t sleep at all at night thinking about the benefits of me committing suicide on behalf of my family. But really, it’s like what matters at the end is the result and not my feelings at all. I wonder if they really care about me or if they are my real family members. Lately, I couldn’t stop myself from google-ing the most lethal methods to suicide and I found out that hanging is one of the most reliable methods and easy and painless. 
    So what do you think guys? :) 


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  2. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    Mehhh.. to me Jisoo has this classic feel and timeless beauty to her looks, similar to snsd yoona, the girl-next-door and innocent vibe and this has long been a famous thing since the legendary girl group SES days, where Eugene was considered the most beautiful it girl in Korea.
    Meanwhile Irene kind of resembles a porcelain Asian type of barbie doll in which her facial features are all oddly perfect but it’s so obvious that she did plastic surgery on most of her face. Jisoo is way natural but I’d still say Irene is the prettier one. 
    I don’t think “average” is the right way to describe jisoo’s visual tho, instead it’s far from the objective point of view 😅 because if you put jisoo in twice or red velvet she can still be in the top 3 prettiest members very easily.
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  3. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    yeah I know, I said I like it “concept wise” and the song kinda matches rv a bit too.
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  4. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    Picky Picky by Weki Meki is such a bop! Guys, give it a listen if you're looking for a fun song from girl groups to listen to
     
    I think Red Velvet needs to stop experimenting with 'funky' songs at the moment considering how their recent releases are all bad and not appealing to the public in general 
    I actually like concepts like Ice Cream Cake and Be Natural from RV the most because they are classic but can still stand out
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  5. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Blackpink (formerly Jennie Kim thread)   

    I think people like you shouldn’t be lurking around on this page (not trying to be mean fyi) 😅 
    People always have bad inner thoughts about someone else (you’d call it intuition), and sometimes they are true or might just not be true. And you just can’t stop them from thinking that because idols are just human beings like us and are capable of doing devilish things even though they might look super innocent to us fans.
    So it’s up to you wether you want to deny it or take it with a grain of salt. 
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  6. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    Preach. Sometimes I feel like their friendship is fake off-camera. (And I don’t get this vibe from other girl groups like red velvet, gfriend and even twice who have many members)
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  7. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    Does anyone find it weird for bighit to produce a drama project based on the bts members’ lives themselves??? 😂
    I’ve lived long enough in the kpop scene but has never heard of something like this before 🤦🏻‍♀️
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  8. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Blackpink (formerly Jennie Kim thread)   

    If I’m not mistaken, this is during the chorus near the end of it (dddd) when all four them should be raising their arms up in the air synchronously. And by the look of jennie’s blank expression, it doesn’t seem like the picture was captured while she was singing her own solo part so yeah. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 


    (It’s either she put down her arm too fast or she forgot that tiny bit detail of the choreography)
    oohh yeah, thanks for that clarification.
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  9. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Blackpink (formerly Jennie Kim thread)   

    Wow, where you did take this picture from? 
    This is such a perfect screen capture of jennie’s not doing the choreography right at the same time as everyone else! Lol 😂 (see how her right hand is the only one down while everyone else had their hands up?)  
    Blinks should see this and swallow their “jennie has improved so much” argument down their throat. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
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  10. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Blackpink (formerly Jennie Kim thread)   

    😂😂 You and I are everywhere lol. Glad to see you here too! (in a good way) 
    Yeahhh, I think I’ve seen 2ne1 TV before and CL was the first member to choose her outfit out of all things that had been prepared by their stylists. So what I’m trying to say is, she definitely has the upper hand in choosing what style she wants and by choosing one that easily attracts attention the most, it means that she has the intention, if not the slightest, to outshine the other members. Enough said. 
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  11. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    Yes and no, she was a child actress but after some time training, she thought that she had an interest in becoming an idol cause she likes performing (or dancing??) on stage. However after her dating news broke out, I think she didn’t have any interest left in her group and started half-assing her career so that she can pull out of f(x)’s activities. That was her slump period and SM finally made her quit. Now when she got nothing left (not doing any acting projects atm), she started to miss performing again so that’s why she released her first solo song, ‘Goblin’ months ago. And I do agree with the rest of your opinion 100%. 
    Yes, you’re right. And here I’m hoping that my favourite child actresses from korean dramas I’ve watched won’t go astray so far in the future and to always remember their roots. 
    I also think that training to become a celebrity at such a young age would have huge impact on the children’s development socially and mentally. Some of the examples from kpop that I could say is iKON and Big Bang. As much as I love YG’s groups, I just gotta admit this. 😔 (and iKON members also admitted it as well)
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  12. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    yes, it’s one of those weird insta posts she made. Actually, I care nothing about her posting weird stuff (cause many idols do that too) and I don’t follow her insta, but the fact that she argued back to the haters and aggressively replied to her comments section made me laugh. Really, I’ve never seen any idol who has lots of free time to respond back to their haters every time on their social media account. 😅
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  13. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    mann, and here I thought I was the only one thinking this  I don’t want to leave comments anywhere about my opinion on her just because I don’t wanna get attacked by low IQ international fans lol, but now that you guys have said it. Finally.
    Psst, tea time. I was a fan of shinee and fx back in the days, and when fx had just debuted, they appeared in yoo hee yeol’s sketchbook and some of the shinee members were also there. There was a segment of shinee members exposing sulli and the others, but I was particularly interested in what they said about sulli haha. They said they discovered sulli’s diary and in it, she talked about how “difficult” it is for her to be that pretty and that everyone was staring at her so it makes her want to rebel to the company. Lol. From there, I started to feel like she was not genuine in becoming an idol and she just knew that with or without her effort, SM would just let her debut anyway. I remember at that time, she was super popular and was called SM’s princess because of her outstanding looks. Damn, how time flies. 
    Sulli also has had long history of attitude problems such as coming late to her schedules, swearing during broadcast, rude to staff members, and etc (those we might not know behind closed doors). The fact that she also personally contacted Rotta to have a private photoshoot with him and being proud of it on instagram also baffled me a lot to how childish and immature she can be at times. That’s why I like to analyse an idol’s relationship with his/her group members to see what kind of personality that person has irl and Sulli was the one that didn’t fit in well with the rest of her members, hence surely that explains something. 
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  14. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    When kpop fans (aka blinks) taking it to the next level :
    https://youtu.be/wFoyluM6xcM
    They are so extra lmao 😂
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  15. motsenggyeotdah added a post in a topic Unpopular Opinions (K-POP Edition)   

    I really don’t know what you meant until I saw this on twitter...

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