• Announcements

    • Negative Reputation   08/03/19

      We've heard you loud and clear - negative reputation is back. Remember that it's still against the rules to complain about being downvoted - if you think someone's mass-downvoting posts or otherwise abusing the reputation system, DM a mod and we will take care of it.

Rocking Horse Fly

Members
  • Content count

    246
  • Joined

  • Last visited


Community Reputation

1966 Neutral

1 Follower



About Rocking Horse Fly

  • Rank
    Lumineux

Rocking Horse Fly's Activity

  1. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    @Nyx Could you maybe make an official announcement (like the one at the top of the page) that nominating users who could possibly make good mods is an option, and create a thread where people can do that and also offer their help in some ways that don't require being a full-time mod?
    Maybe also ask people to list the areas they're competent in and to what degree, and what kind of help the site currently needs the most.
    I think this one is already way too cluttered for that.
    • 2
  2. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    I didn't consider the posts criticising Rhea as falling under those categories (even the butthurt ones had reasons behind them, but Rhea cleaned that up by explaining the situation). Some of them didn't go into great detail, but I actually tried to clear the confusion previously.
    If all that counts is intention, and not how people communicate their problems, then the posts criticising Rhea are just as valid as the ones made by Biscuit (or Rhea herself with that "calm the fuck down" issue), only the target is different. I support being civil in your delivery no matter who you're talking to/about, so there's no misinterpretation, embarrassment and resentment involved.
    But otherwise I completely agree with your message (and the that of @Lopunny and @Pineapple Pen) that we should focus on actually building the community, and offering help, and I'm glad the thread already took a turn towards that before this whole argument happened. So let's procede that way
    (also thanks for the compliment, English is only my third language, so this actually made me really happy)
    Also, @Lopunny I know that stooping to the other person's level is not going to solve any issue, but sometimes you're just done with it, so yeah, it happens. I have BPD so the point when I'm "done" usually comes sooner, but I'm not trying to pull the mental illness card, everyone has to be held accountable for their actions, so I'm definitely working on that, and I usually try to step away from the situation at least for a while when I feel the emotions taking over.
    • 1
  3. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    I'm like 99% sure that comment about making a thread for Rhea was a joke, since we were talking about her so much
    I understood Biscuit's point perfectly, I simply didn't agree with their definition of what's considered "plain old bitching". That's all.
    There's also a difference between a civilised debate (when noone gets worked up about the issue, and people don't attack eachother) and fighting, and their aggressive tone and personal insults sprikled in their posts were completely unnecessary, and they could've brought their point across perfectly without them.
    Debating is constructive, fighting is not, and their way of speaking is what can easily lead to the latter. So I just don't condone it whether I agree with their point or not, as my first reaction reading their posts is usually "wtf chill out, dude". And it doesn't have to be this way. I'm actually a pretty rude person irl, and used to be even worse (without noticing it unless someone pointed it out to me), but I realised that it's more harmful than not, so now I pay way more attention to how I speak with others.
    @Lopunny
    I'm not going to respond to anyone in a petty manner unless they repeatedly provoke it with their own attitude. I'm all for building a welcoming community (and working on myself too in orther to achieve that), but I'm also not a doormat to be trampled on, and I'm going to make that clear to people who bring in personal insults in the conversation. Please look up my previous posts in this thread if you think otherwise.
    • 3
  4. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    I honestly don't get why you have to be so aggressive about this and throw around personal insults, when this is supposedly a casual debate about suggestions and complaints.
    But whatever, I feel like you really do take a lot of things as an attack, and like to extrapolate quite a bit, so I'm going to reply to your points individually, because it seems to me that you have trouble understanding what I'm trying to say. Or maybe you just want to see it a specific way, and (sub)consciously ignore everything that doesn't fit your narrative?
    So let's begin:
    "The way my post was written was very obviously a general post and not directed at any one person because as I stated, I avoided doing so." "I jumped in because it was asinine that people jump to these ridiculous conclusions based off nothing" "I'm sensitive to completely unfounded, baseless, and straight up uneducated entitled bullshit being spewed."
    There's no misunderstanding here, I get that you were refraining from calling people out by name, that's why I said I haven't seen anyone persume that the admins and mods don't have to deal with a lot of behind the scenes work. So I simply stated that I don't get why mods and ex-mods keep bringing up this argument again and again, when people only criticised the way some mods interact with the users. That in itself is not being ungrateful.
    But if you have some specific posts in mind, go ahead and quote them, it seems like we're already in an argument anyway, and obviously there might have been some that slipped my mind or which I simply didn't take seriously.
    -
    "I took nothing of what was said as an attack to me."
    I didn't say that you took things as an attack to you personally, but as an attack towards the mods/admins in general, which I thought was unwarranted. But it looks like there's a pattern here, that's why I was wondering if it's an "occupational hazard" to take harmless criticism as a judgment on one's entire character after a while.
    -
    "I worked WITH Nyx. FOR A LONG TIME when I was a mod. I know full well what her visions for the site are. But what she considers a community may very well be and probably is very different from what YOU consider a community." "Common attitudes, interests, and goals". Guess who determines those things?" "Just because she's nice to you or hasn't bitched you out doesn't mean she agrees with you. "
    That's definitely a possibility. I only made an assumption based on what the admins communicate towards us. Who determines those things? Obviously the admins have the final say on what direction they want the site to take. But it's also based on continuous feedback from those who are part of the community, in this case the users, in order to achieve that "sense of fellowship".
    -
    "But its her site and if she doesn't find a problem with how her mods are, then like I said - deal with it or leave."
    Again, continuous feedback, Nyx has to deal with a lot of things, so she obiously can't supervise the mods 24/7. Rhea said in a previous post that she herself sees why people might be bothered by her way of communicating, and since she prioritises building a good community where the users are generally satisfied, she would gladly stick to working behind the scenes if there were enough mods to take care of the tasks that require interaction with the users.
    -
    "I've clearly seen that the people you claim are "bothered", are new and people who haven't been here long enough to understand how this place is/was and like I said - you don't get to go into someone else's yard and tell them how to do things." "But it's going to be cleaned up to HER standards. And she IS thick skinned so guess what? Her standards are going to be very different from yours." "If you want something tamer, then go to Reddit. Simple as that."
    The users, whether old or new, are all part of this community, so their feedback matters, and eventually shapes the forum. Change is inevitable, and while as an admin it's definitely one's right to stick to certain principles, unless you want the place die out, you have to adapt somewhat to the changing needs of the userbase. That's why Nyx asks for feedback a lot (as she had mentioned previously). When leading a community one has to consider a lot more than just how they themselves function socially, otherwise it will only attract a very tiny fraction of people.
    As long as you don't cross the line between constructive criticism and plain bitching, you do get to go in someone's yard and tell them how to do things. Worst case scenario is that things won't change towards what you want, and then obviously there's no reason to stick around - we agree on this.
    -
    "That should be your first indicator that this isn't a place full of rainbows and butterflies."
    Lol, I literally just said that the forum getting tamer doesn't automatically make it a hugbox with "rainbows and butterflies" (come again criticising my reading comprehension?), as there's a huge range between that and lolcow/kiwifarm mentality, and there's always going to be a variety of individual attitudes as long as the forum isn't totally niche. 
    -
    "But if you're thin-skinned and sensitive, what you consider "civil" may not actually be what reality considers civil and that's what so many people nowadays don't seem to understand. What you consider "fair" may not actually be fair in reality. And until you learn to differentiate what YOU feel and what how society functions, you're going to have a seriously hard time living in this world. Especially on the internet which tends to be colder than the outside world."
    Again, that's what a welcoming online community means. It's not the outside world, I'm not talking with my boss, I'm sharing and hearing out opinions on a subject that interests me in a place where I feel good. This is a form of entertainment, and most people like to spend their free time doing things that makes them chill out after dealing with the everyday mundane shit.
    -
    What I can say for sure is that you wouldn't be great at leading a forum based on your rigid mentality, unwillingness to empathise with others, and your sense of entitlement and certitude that you must be right, and will continue to be right regardless of the changing atmosphere around you because you used to be a mod here.
    And to close it off:
    "It may not wake you up right now, but when you get older and look back on this behavior you're going to laugh at yourself."
    I'm going to keep a non-comprehensive list of your collected insults in the quote box, just as a demonstration. I guess it will speak volumes about which one of us is acting immature here. It's up to everyone else to judge that the way they want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    • 0
  5. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    Believe me, I thoroughly read every single post in this thread, and as far as I remember none of them were discrediting how much work the mods and admins put into this forum. I actually replied to Nyx's post earlier, when she came up with this "what happens behind the scenes" defense argument for the first time, and a lot of people agreed that the criticism towards Rhea was solely about her interactions with the users, and not meant to degrade her as a person or her work ethic in general.
    I'm sure some users do that in pms, but in this thread specifically your rant about us being ungrateful was totally unwarranted. Maybe you should learn to see outside your bubble and realise that not everything is an attack. /I'm only getting personal since you went there first/
    I guess the stress of being a mod and recieving nasty messages makes one more paranoid when it comes to criticism. In that case I'm sorry, but my point still stands.
    Again, how PULL was before and how other similar sites are right now has nothing to do with with my argument here. It looks obvious to me that Nyx wants to stay above that, and make this place feel like a welcoming community where people feel comfortable sharing their opinions, so suggestions regarding how we could move in that direction seem totally valid. And if a lot of users are specifically bothered by a mod's harshness, that falls under that category.
    You may see that as just a bunch of sensitive flakes' whining, in that case congrats for having a thicker skin, but PULL seems to be a place for people who don't vibe with the lolcow mentality and simply want civil conversation and fair treatment, which currently means leaning towards more tolerance and a friendlier tone between eachother (not necessarily a hugbox). And based on the site rules and what the admins communicate, they don't seem to object to that. Whether you like that or not doesn't matter, it's not your job anymore to tell people what kind of criticism is valid.
    • 0
  6. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    What I though differentiated PULL from sites like kiwifarm was that we aren't here acting like asshats for the sake of being asshats. Sure it's a gossip site, but the overall vibe is chill, and it actually feels like a community. And the current userbase probably resonates more with this mentality, otherwise there would be no reason to come here rather than over there.
    Sure, we can't force the admins to do anything, but it's in their own interest to listen to their users if they want this forum to thrive and their work pay off. And I really don't get why you and both Nyx and Rhea feel the need to push the "we work hard behind the scenes" argument, when literally nobody questioned that. We know, and we appreciate it. It doesn't mean we can't have questions, suggestions and complaints about other aspects of the forum.
    Also this might be a free service, but it's a responsibility they took upon themselves, and doesn't mean they have to be shielded from criticism. It's called work ethic. If I volunteer at an animal shelter, and someone tells me I'm doing a poor job cleaning up cat poop, I'm not going to throw a fit, since I'm probably there because I care about the cause.
    But yeah, I agree with the downvote thing. If you're here to criticise a snowflake then be prepared to receive criticism yourself. I'm a socially anxious person, so I admit that I care a bit too much about other people's opinion on what I say, but unless it's a case of a thread having a severe hivemind mentality or someone going on a downvoting spree for whatever reason, it's fair and square and people should suck it up.
    • 3
  7. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    That's the thing, Kenna doesn't want to seem perfect (in the general sense), but unique and extraordinary. She values intelligence, thus the whole INTJ bullshit she tried to force so hard for a while, and the traits associated with ASD according to tumblr and the likes play straight into that.
    She always totally embraced things like being socially akward as long as it was connected to being something like an introvert, for example, which was also a trait highly glamourised by the internet in the past few years (it basically meant you were smarter and ~deeper~ than extroverts, which according to them were the majority of the population)
    I don't believe she lied about it, but more like she wanted to be on the spectrum so much that she dug up basically anything that could fit the criteria and overemphasised it. But having some autistic traits doesn't mean you must be on the spectrum. So what I think personally is that she actually (wants to) believe she has ASD, and she probably got misdiagnosed due to that and the poor method of evaluation.
    -
    On an other note, I don't see a lot of similarities between autism and BPD (maybe getting overwhelmed and lashing out on people?), but from what I know about her and the disorder (from both personal and professional experience) I don't think she has that either. But for one BPD is definitely far from being glamourised. It's mostly associated with a bunch of negative traits and behaviours (like being manipulative or even abusive), and it's heavily stigmatised even within professional circles.

    • 19
  8. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic General Venus Angelic Thread #3   

    Not to mention that they paid 80$ to spend even more time with her in a more private setting...
    • 6
  9. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    From personal experience, it's not a matter of laziness, but a mindset that was probably implemented in her by her surrounding from an early age.
    In her mind, truly special people don't have to work for standing out, their skills and talents should come naturally to them. So she constantly seeks validation that she was born special.
    It's like first world problem lvl 9000, but it can be a great source of insecurity nonetheless. You not only want to feel like you're good enough, you have a compulsive need to feel like you're outstandingly good and unique, and it all comes from your upbringing. Positive reinforcement can be pretty harmful sometimes.
    • 9
  10. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    We're talking about Japan here. I doubt that their methods are this elaborate. Based on the video she only had an interview session with a psychologist.
    Refering back to my situation, BPD tends to be the first diagnosis thrown at adult women with mental health issues, but despite that it still took so many years, so many tests and so many professionals to determine that I had it, and some therapists are still not convinced.
    Just like personality disorders, high functioning autism is a complex issue that can manifest itself in many different ways, and is often not easy to diagnose. Luckily, you seem to have been in the hands of an expert, but that might not be the case for Kenna, and it was definitely not the case for me.
    • 8
  11. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    Ok, I'm going to be that person, and call bullshit on this...
    I've spent the past 4 years trying to figure out the nature of my mental health problems, taking countless official tests and talking to a solid number of professionals, and it took an actual suicide attempt for them to finally give me a proper diagnosis, as my behaviour during the evaluations was just so... normal. And I didn't mean to fake it, I was the one who insisted on getting evaluated over and over, since I did have severe symptoms (insomnia, anxiety attacks, going temporarily blind), but they couldn't even decide whether I even had a mental illness in the first place despite all that.
    So where I want to go with this is that it's ridiculously easy to get a fake diagnosis. Especially after only one session with a psychologist in a country known for being quite behind regarding everything mental health. Official tests (depending on where you live, and whether the person diagnosing you is specialised in that area) often aren't much more complex than an MBTI quiz, and almost entirely rely on self-reflection. So if you try to convince yourself that you have something, you probably will get diagnosed with that thing.
    Those "fixations" with Disney, nature and Harry Potter are all just elements of her current brand. And from what I've seen throughout the years following her, they seem like perfectly normal fields of interest within perfectly normal boundaries, only mixed with a lot of immaturity from her part (like building her entire identity on these interests or characters related to them). In fact a good portion of the things she mentioned in the video (her restricted diet, lack of empathy, rude and defensive reactions to anything that could be perceived as criticism) could just aswell point to her simply being an immature, sheltered and insecure person. Nothing pathologic about that.
    I also can't be the only one who noticed that Asperger's is very much glamourised lately. It's basically like being an ~indigo child~ according to the internet. You'll get all these articles about the biggest minds and artists in history most probably being on the spectrum and so on. So I can definitely see how this could be her new quirk to look special AND to push the blame for her mistakes on being autistic, as she already did in the video regarding the palgiarism scandal, being rude to her fans, not looking very enthusiastic about making videos in the past months... with the added benefit of everyone who calls her out looking like an ableist and being instantly discredited.
    And ngl the first impression I got watching that video was indeed that she tried to look autistic. I mean what about all the vlogs and other people's videos she's appeared in? And if it's such an everyday thing for her to put on a facade of being "normal", then how can she drop it so quickly and easily? I for one could definitely not act like a stereotype of a person with BPD/social anxiety/depression all of a sudden and claim that it comes naturally to me.
    • 53
  12. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    Yep, looks like this
    Sheridan (26) > Kenna (24) > Sierra (22) > Killian (17?)
    • 8
  13. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic Simply_Kenna/cozykitsune [Thread 5]   

    Ngl I actually enjoyed this video¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    That reading challenge looks interesting (even if it's old news, I haven't heard of it before), the themed picnic is a cute idea and made her aesthetic shots have a bit more substance, and she also crammed in some easy DIYs I honestly don't give a shit about, but others might.
    It wasn't too long and boring, and I didn't have to look at her weird mannerism for once (stop trying to make fingerguns happen, Kendra), and even if her life is empty as fuck, one can easily use these ideas in their own and make them meaningful, unlike the typewrite-and-glue-in-every-single-bullet-journal-entry kind of stuff she usually puts out
    • 6
  14. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    I think you're talking about Yuuna (not a mod anymore), but what do mean by abusing her position?
    • 0
  15. Rocking Horse Fly added a post in a topic @ Mods? Nyx? Anyone?   

    So about the mod issue, do you guys have any plans how to solve this?
    You both said the applications weren't exactly satisfying, and Nyx half-jokingly mentioned the idea of nominating someone. What kind of standards do you believe a mod here should meet, in the first place? Could you expand a bit on this problem, since we're kinda kept in the dark (about a lot of things, actually).
    ETA regarding the last part of my post: it looks like there's a general disconnect between the avarage user and the mods/admins when it comes to discussing behind-the-scenes issues.
    The Make your voice heard section is pretty much a mess with repetitive questions, a lot left unanswered or abandoned after a few replies, and generally low engagement from the users' part. It would be helpful for both sides if there was a more straightforward and effective way to communicate with the staff, and I think it would help sort out a lot of problems if you prioritised this instead of trying to solve them individually.
    And I'm sure a lot of users here could also give some good feedback and suggestions on how to improve the site, even if they don't want to commit to the mod life. (Btw can we get a mod list already? I have honestly no clue who to contact at this point)
    • 4